12 Replies
It's good tt he wants to take responsibility now but to have him say he's still in contact with his ex gf and tt they'll 'love frm afar' will cause problems in the future for u. I have a friend who married out of responsibility and both actually has partners respectively. They had a mutual agreement tt the marriage is just for the baby till he reaches adulthood, and also so tt they cld buy a hse and appear like a normal family to others. It was ok for the first year, they still went out tgt with their son as a family despite their parents' resentment. They even took turns on weekends to go on dates with their bf/gfs. A mutual open relationship. But aft a year, things started to go awry cz the husband's gf wanted marriage. My friend on the other hand was also falling out with her bf, partly cz she started to have feelings again for her husband. She kept telling us how we're lucky tt our husbands love us etc. But she still continued with the marriage and got herself busy with work, travelling ard for business (alr broke up with her bf this time and husband still with his gf). Then CB came, and tt's when all hell breaks lose cz they both had to be confined at home tgt. Eventually they got divorce early this year as the husband decided to marry his gf. Luckily she got the custody of the boy as she's financially stable and her parents are willing to care for her son while she works. It's a tough decision for u to make now. Perhaps u want to try talking things out with a trusted friend first.
Don't get married just because you want to give your child a family instead maybe you would like to consider of the negative turnout in the future and weight the damage to the both you & the child. If he is clear on not having any love left for you but just for the sake of responsibility, he still can do that as a father without you guys being married for the sake for the child. Like paying for child support, calling him to be there physically for the child when needed. I decided to become a unwed single mom when my bf thinks that I'm not being understanding to him, giving him the time to adapt to my pregnancy and kinda blame me for throwing fit when my hormones is apparently all over the place. Asking me to go for abortion if he can't have the child, threaten me suicide literally in front of me, threatening me he will fight for the custody of the child. I put in consideration that if the both of us can't be happy in a relationship, that's no point acting in front of the child & giving a false pretences that he have a wonderful family but only to know the true some day it wasn't what he thought it is. You are in no wrong if you put your happiness into consideration too. There are a lot of good example of single parent bringing up well manned kids. Believed that you can give happiness to your child too. PS: your parents have no rights to do that to you. though calling the police is not best option, you might want to call some social services hotline for help.
No, please don't! Good that he chose responsibility over love but remember, you'll be the one who'll hurt the most because there's no happiness in your marriage. Any man who tells you to abort is an asshole! They love to donate their sperm and don't want to be responsible. Honestly being a single parent is so much better. I've been a single mum for a few yrs until I found my now husband of 15 yrs + 4 kids later. I left my abusive ex husband (domestic violence) & I never looked back and cried a tear. He wasn't a good and was not a responsible husband/father. He also told me to abort our child when I found out I was pregnant but I chose my child to live and then we married which was the dumbest thing I did. I actually told my parents at the very last minute that I do not want to marry him but bcos everyone in the family already knows I was getting married soon so I had to still go on with it. I aborted our 2nd child because I wasn't ready to have another one + he was still not responsible. Up till now, 16 yrs later, he hasn't visit my son. My son does not even know his father which is good lah for me. Don't marry just because you had a child together. Don't rush in marriage also just bcos you want a complete family. You won't have a happy marriage when your 'husband' constantly have his ex in mind. Leave him and be patient. Surely one day, there will be a man who will love both you and your child.
My life might be some pov for ur son. I grew up without a dad but early when i was toddler till 8 years old, i have a dad, he was abusive , come bck from work with all his stress he let it go by rotan, slapping me left and right even if i do some childish mistakes. i was around 5 years old when i felt his wrath. Everyday i pray he would just go away and nvr come bck.. well my prayer was answered when he divorced my mom to marry his mistress. I felt miserable.. n felt guilty that i might be the one whose at fault .. my mom ended being so emotional and also rotan me left n right coz thats how she released her anger towards my dad.. I accepted her anger coz part of me felt it was really my fault coz of my stupid prayers. i became her punching bag but then she was also diagnosed with cancer... my education went downhill, i have suicidal thoughts and depression. This is just a tiny portion of my childhood, i got intervened in early years by my school and psychiatrists n therapists. So i hope, u can see what damage it will do if u let a half hearted , unloved person into ur life and ur kid's. Please be careful and stay logical in this matter.
Knowing that he said he will love his ex from afar, will only bring pain to your heart. If he stays true to his words by taking responsibility, let him meet and spend time with your son because after all, he is still his father. As a mother myself, I don't believe in stopping my child from meeting his own father regardless of any situation. Better for your child to learn who his father is as a person than be a person who controls how his relationship with his father should be. Otherwise, he might resent you in the future for preventing him from knowing his own father. Put your child first. Your husband cannot be trusted until he proves himself. Hope you make the right decision!
i wont suggest you to marry him cause 1st of all he already have a girlfriend 2nd he leave you and your son during your hard times taking care of your own son alone when he is with his girlfriend happily 3rd think about your son's future 4th being a single mother is hard yes but then it is good cause you wont end up to be the worst situation when in the future let say your "boyfriend" suddenly say oh..i miss my ex girlfriend i want to be together with her then you confirm gg.com already cause that is the worst situation when he will confirm ask for a divorce
He may choose responsibility over love now, but what about the future? I always believe that without love, a marriage won’t last. What makes him change his mind to marry you and take responsibility when he forced u into an abortion last time? I’m sorry, but I feel that you deserve a better man than him. Single parent is hard, but it’s better than a “complicated” family. I would say you follow ur head, not ur heart. Think logically.
Sorry to say I wouldn't marry guy who keep changing his mind. you wouldn't know when he will tell you he can't forget his ex. maybe this is just part of his plan to take the child away from you. I know love is blind but please be careful if you don't want to lose your baby. He can still be your child's father but not your husband. take care BTW, why your parents locked you up and take your child away? what they do to your child?
I won't ever trust a person with my baby who wanted me to abort him. If he wants to be 'responsible', he should be wise enough to know a marriage without love is not what you deserve. My suggestion would be, come to agreement with him on child care and let him manage his 'Dad' part. You'd want to give your child a happy family and not a family just for the sake of it. Think logically and don't get emotional about it.
I think don’t rush into marriage for the sake of marrying. Monitor this guy for a period of time and see if he has changed or sincere in what he has said. Being responsible doesn’t just mean getting married together. Responsibility can come in different shapes and forms. Marriage is just one of the formality method. Marriage encompasses so much more than that. Give you and him some time.