Grandma who doesn’t follow any rules

You probably don't want to hear this, but the only way is to set things firm and straight - it's not common, but there are people who just cut off all ties if their parents are unable to respect them and their parenting styles. For me, I live with my parents and it's really hard trying to tell them not to interfere with my parenting style, especially since I'm still "young" in their eyes and they have been following whatever methods they have for decades. While I can't just say I'd break ties with them, I do voice it out to them to respect me as my son's mother (they like to make decisions for him behind my back then only tell me when I ask, instead of asking about my plans and opinions). If something they do doesn't sit right with me, I'd make a fuss. And if they don't listen, I just take action. If it's toys he shouldn't be playing with, I'd give them away. If it's feeding formula over breast milk (they used to give formula when I was in school even though there was breast milk in the fridge because it's more "convenient" and "healthier"), I hide the formula in my drawer when I go to school. If it's weird traditional methods/food based on old tales, I just throw them away. Yes, it's not a good thing to do. And yes, it does create tension. But I don't like it when they overpower me as his parent, I don't want my son to grow up with the idea that he can go to them for things I don't allow - which is precisely what he's been doing so far because he knows my parents would allow him to do things. Like your idea of growing up without gender stereotypes, I do the same for my son in terms of gender and race too - and it can be really hard when our own parents are making remarks like "pink is for girls" or "the garangguni/bangla will catch you if you don't behave". The least we can do is to immediately correct it at the first opportunity - if it happens in front of you, respond calmly with "No, grandma - girls can like cars and trucks too!" (example).

This happens with my own mother too, but unfortunately I'm not able to move out. Pick your battles. As long as it doesn't hurt your child, it is fine to close one eye for your sanity. It irks me to hear her nasty comments about my parenting style, and to see her do things "her way", but as long as I enforce my own rules with my own kids, they know who they can/can't step over. When I see something I don't like, I say it out loud, indirectly to my mother. I often let her suffer the consequences of her own actions, and I've noticed that she started to change a tiny bit too: e.g. She gives my kids snacks often, so they start whining when they can't get it. Then she'll get frustrated. Lately I noticed she starts explaining when they can't have the snack (just like I do), and then she doesn't need to suffer the tantrums. Imitation is the best form of flattery; use it to your advantage! All the best, Mummy! I hope you find something that works for both!

Hi, in the same position here and ended up shouting to my mother cos despite all the talks that i have had with her she repeatedly making the same issues all over again. But again, i am asking for help, my mom letting my lo to watch movies cos she needs time to unwind too as she is tired (she said), and my mother like to cuss this is something i cant do. Its her habit. So, I decided to put my son on 18th months onwards in childcare. Save all of us from trouble.

You don’t have to shout, but be very firm with your mum about this. Have you shared with her the consequences and how this has affected you while you were growing up? Not sure if you’d agree with my actions but I will tell my mum that if she continues to carry on, I’ll have to limit interaction time between her and my child. Honestly, have to use a bit of scare tactic to know you’re serious.

Seems like a sticky situation and I understand that it’s super frustrating. You can’t possibly go against all of what she does. Perhaps take a give and take approach but be firm. Certain things that are a no-no, let her know that she must definitely not cross. Then those that are not so serious, just close one eye. At least there’s some control you can have. Hope this helps!

Hi, I think you need to sit down and have coffee/tea time with her. Initiate a good talk and convery it nicely to her. Im pretty sure she will undertand because she herself is also a parent. Its a bit challenging but Im sure she will respect your decision. I’ve been into that situation also, and I also discipline my toddler that too much chocolates is bad for his health.

Ha ha most of us have this problem, and then they blame us when something goes wrong 😆. There’s no point arguing with grandparents really... just make sure that you spend a lot of 1-1 time with your kids and enforce the rules.

I think this is a typical grandparents issue. For me, I practice give and take. I see what are the things I'm willing to close one or even close both eyes. Those non-nego stuffs like screen time I'll be very firm and say no.

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for me very simple.. whatever my mom did to my kids I'm ok with it bcoz she did it the same things to me when I was young.. so no need to worry about.. I know my mom very well.. simple 😊