96 Replies
My ex-wife also cheated on me. But everyone’s story is different. Here’s what I can offer: 1) When woman cheated (especially with sexual intercourse), the woman doesn’t love you anymore. And they won’t ever again even if they think they can try. 2) You can forgive but never forget. If both of you have a child, his/her growing up is the number 1 priority over any argument, anger and fights. It’s possible to raise a happy child with separated parents who respect one another’s life. For this you’ll need a great amount of self love. You’ll need support from friends and family who are true to you and not enforce their own opinion on you. 3) Divorce in sg is a long procedure. By the time her other child is born the other guy still won’t be married to her yet because your divorce with her will still be in process (which probably have to start with 3-4years of separation first). Don’t put your name as the father of that child, hence her only option is to adopt her child (if they go ahead with having the child) by Singapore law. 4) You need to move out and find your own place. Fighting and demanding will never end up good for you, even if you are not in the wrong. Your number one priority now is your own child if you have one. Be the magnanimous one, this is the key to a much happier life that is already waiting for you. I can say this because I’ve been through this myself. It’s very tough... but it’s worth it. What’s happening to you now could be one of the worst or best things that happened to you. It’s life trying to challenge us.
Hello. I am sorry to hear about your situation and the bad news. At this point your best bet is to take space from your wife pack up a few belongings and don't look back. Go to a close friend or family members house for support and a place to stay until you are ready to sit and talk to your wife regarding the situation and until you decide on what you will do either Divorce or Marriage counseling and try to make this marriage work out.... I wouldn't go alone at this point she cannot be trusted...Marriage is based on trust we all know that and at this point she will has broken that trust. Bring a close friend or family member along with you and meet somewhere public but quiet and not crowded to speak about your feelings and what she plans to do so you know the next step to take. I personally would go and start up counseling right away. They should be able to help you out with depression and much more. Remember this is not your fault and she made a huge mistake not you. I would also recommend setting up an appointment with your Primary health physician or Doctor right away for testing for all types of bacterial infections or STDS. It's always better to be safe than sorry. Call a close friend or a family member who can accompany you to this appointment as well. If you need anymore help or advice please don't hesitate to ask me.
i think none of us here can give u a so called good advise. Reason is bcos we are not u. First u gonna ask yrself what result into yr wife infidelity. yes she was wrong to do that to u but u gonna ask yrself or sit down wif her to know what causes such action frm her. den evaluate and decide if u can forgive her.infidelity first. if u are able to den u gonna tell yrself nv nv bring up this issue anymore. den u move.on to the issue of her unborn. if she really wanna keep the baby cos is a life we are talking abt and as a mom she might not hv the heart to abort. if she is gg to keep the baby are u able to accept it. if yes den state yr conditions clearly to hee n both have to come to an agreement. u also gonna let her know what u will do if she din honor what she had promised u. but if she love this man den seriously i will let her go. and i will.make her give up e cuatody of the kid fathered by u. (if any) i hope u sit down alone and think thru. all e best to u.
I feel that it is important for you to work through your feelings and thoughts regarding this issue. You can consider talking to a counsellor (you can find one at http://scc.sg/eng/). Though it is good if you could discuss this with your wife and perhaps the baby's father after you have sort through your own feelings. I highly recommend seeking professional counselling as having an objective third party to facilitate the process of exploring your feelings would help. Also look out for common signs of depression such as: Feeling down for prolonged periods, losing interest in things/activities that you used to enjoy, experiencing a sense of hopelessness and/or helplessness, lost of appetite Even if you are not inclined to seek professional help, find someone you trust who can offer you support to talk to. Having someone there for you is very important.
Definitely a divorce. No man is able to tolarate that his wife carried another man child. Unless u already know abt it before marriage and u are willing to accept that. Even if u said u dont mind or willing to accept another man's child, this incident will constantly be bring up should both of u get into a argument in future. That will eventually bring an end to your marriage, just sooner or later. Then why not end everything now, so u get minimum hurt. Since that man is willing to take responsibility, let your wife go.... let them take care of their own problem. Lastly, pls open your heart and let it go. Your wife doesnt deserve your love. Dont go into depression or hurt yourself.... Pick up yourself and moved on. You will find someone better in life......
Ok sorry to get personal but why has this happened in the first place? Has it happened with your ignorance or acceptance? The reason I am questioning you is that you would have been aware of this situation, if not-you should have been...and taken preventive measures then.. Try digging deep for a reason... If the reason is adultery, let her move on with the other man... Not because the child isn't yours but because the other man is responsible enough to bear the responsibility of his child and trust me your wife too is supporting him. They are in this together. I understand the feeling of depression and betrayal but at this point any force or coercion will harm you... Let her move on...you gracefully move out of this relationship...
This is Sick! that man wants to be a part of the childs life WTF. Get Divorced and come out of this s***. bz if you dont come out you will suffer it mentally forever and you would never ever can stay happy you might mess your life in such situations and even if you want to carry this on ahead then its yours choice bz this is the time to jump off from this before it becomes late to come out. Also you said that you have started feeling depressed so you can understand if this is current state then what can you expect in future So once again get divorsed and stay alone for some time and also consult an counseller for how you are feeling right now. Best of luck
I know this sounds harsh but if I were in your shoes, especially if you have no kids with her, get a divorce. If you are going to stay in the marriage and let this man be involved, what does that make you of? Since she is carrying another man's son, you can use a lawyer against her and wouldn't have to pay for any alimony. If I were you, the child will never carry my name in case your wife tries to claim child support. It is going to be tough, trust me, I am speaking from experience. If the father isn't involved, perhaps I could reconsider if it a one-off affair. But you can't be certain that feelings will develop between the two because of the child.
Please do not let your name be on the baby's birth certificate. Your wife obviously had an affair and it's not fair to make you raise another man's kid. Since the father wants to take responsibility, let him. If I were you, I'd divorce my wife on the grounds of adultery and start my life anew. There's no compromise for an error as grave as this. As for your own feelings, please seek professional help. It's not shameful to call or seek treatment at IMH. NUH also has a psychiatric department. https://www.imh.com.sg/contact-us/ https://www.nuh.com.sg/umc/about-us/about-us/department-of-psychological-medicine/clinical-services/outpatient-services.html
I think that you should file for a divorce, because not only has she committed adultery, but the father of the child wants to be a part of its life. This will be difficult overtime because it means you're probably going to have to accept the fact that your wife will be contacting this man and having him be a part of her life too. She may sleep with him again (if she can do it once, she can do it again), and you'll have to go through the betrayal once more. She made the decision to cheat, so she has to deal with the consequences. I could never imagine having to go through such a thing. Stay strong and seek help. You will get through this.
Anonymous