Hello mummies 👋
I'm not really asking/looking for advice but just more of a rant. Or more so to seek comfort with anybody that's in the same boat.
Currently 30weeks w 1st bb & living with my parents as my BTO got delayed due to covid. Tentatively will be ready 2023.
Aniways my situation is my mother don't really like infants/kids. She have been saying when me&bro were babies she rarely cleaned us up because she's disgusted with the poops, pees, vomit & all. Even bathing us she won't do. She will ask my father to take over instead. She basically won't deal with the messes or 'inconveniences' that comes with raising a baby. She has also outwardly voiced out preferring boys over girls. So when she found that I'm having a girl, she kind of lost interest?
Honestly, I remember most of the trauma when my mother raised us while we were young. She would scream, hurl, curse and all other things because we didn't listen to her(I mean we were just kids). That's why even now at almost 30 I just can't bring myself to be a doting daughter towards her. Doesn't help that she has favouritism towards my brother 😂
Even while growing up, I didn't have a conducive,loving environment or know whats mother's love and thats sucks.
I really think my mother didn't even want kids in the 1st place? Like you know the mindset of older gen that they have to bore children for the sake of it.
Now that its nearing my due date, I'm scared that I would be overwhelmed or fall into depression due to upcoming changes. Mother already told me that she won't offer much help because she doesn't really want to. Its kinda sad whenever I think about this. My friends have always told me about how excited their parents are for the 1st grandchild, then there's me.
But I'm so thankful I have a supportive husband. He has been reaffirming me he would take most of the load after I've given birth so I could rest. Also helps that he lovesss kids and have been yearning for 1 since we got married. He have been actively taking care of my needs and wants whilst pregnant.
Aniways, here's to all the mums that got to do it on their own. Here's to breaking the cycle of toxic parenting 💪🏽💪🏽