How Do I Set Boundaries with My MIL Over My Baby?

Question

I’ve been feeling frustrated with my mother-in-law lately. I’m on maternity leave until next year, and my baby is now 2 months old, almost 3 months. Ever since I gave birth, my MIL would often ask to come over to see the baby. Because I’m always at home and my husband is self-employed. However, every week, she would asks us to come over at least twice, which is starting to feel overwhelming because I really need my rest. When we visit her, she tends to take my baby away into another room for hours. For example, we were there for 6 hours, and during that time, she didn’t want to return the baby to me, even though she was crying. As a mom, it’s really hard to hear my baby cry and not be able to comfort her. When my baby cries, it means she needs me, even if family members are trying to soothe her. I feel like my MIL doesn’t always recognize that and tries to comfort the baby herself instead of giving her back to me. I understand she wants to help and “give me a break”, but the longer my baby is away from me, the more anxious I become. I’ve told my husband that I’d prefer to have the baby back when she’s upset, but he says I should give his mom a chance to play with her. Has anyone else experienced this? How do you deal with situations like this?#firsttimemom

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

My style is just do, don’t talk. You’re the mum, you get to decide when you want your baby back and no one has the rights to stop you. I don’t need to explain why I want baby back nor do I need anyone to hog my baby. If baby wants comfort from mummy, she WILL get comfort from mummy. For your husband, just tell him back the same thing. Give the mum (you) a chance to comfort and bond with her baby. It’s not like you don’t let your mil play with baby, just that there should be a limit and bottom line. Let the mum handle her crying baby, let the mum be the first to comfort her own baby (if she’s present at that time).