My mum keeps hogging my baby

My husband and I have been living with my parents since marriage. Our new place comes in mid to end next year, and our 7 weeks’ old also lives with us. My mum had initially insisted on caring for me and baby during confinement, thus I wasn’t allowed to hire a nanny. She made us hire a helper instead. Fast forward to post-confinement, my mum continued to hog on to my baby. She comes up to our room between 4am to 6am daily to grab him to her room to sleep and claims she wants my husband & myself to rest, when my baby is clearly sleeping soundly with us. In the day time when she’s on leave or wfh, she will also bring him down to her room the whole day. If she goes to work, she will always come upstairs to bring him back to her room until 10pm when my husband goes down to bring him back up. She always says she wants me to rest, but I don’t need it, and I made it very clear to her several times. When I told her I’m giving my son probiotics for his colic, she started questioning me and made it seem like I will endanger my son. And when I said I want to bring my son out, she also kept trying to discourage me. I just want to be with my baby. And when I’m with my baby, she will come and tell me to let my helper take over. It’s as if she doesn’t want me to be with my child alone. It’s getting very annoying and I really want to tell her off, but she has done a lot for my son, so I can’t be scolding her or taking my boy away from her completely. She even offered to move her work schedule to ensure she can take care of my baby. I want to be his primary caregiver, but my mum doesn’t even allow me to bathe him as she claims he’s too fragile now. Please advice on how I can have my son back without hurting my mum’s feelings. #FTM #advicepls

Canice

Happy mummy of our lil bee

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There’s no way you can please two at once in this situation. It’s either you close your eyes and ears completely or you’ll end up with a mum telling you “Don’t ask me to take care anymore, then don’t stay here blabla” or the one cry, two fuss, three hang themselves pattern (一哭二闹三上吊). Since it’s your own mum (harder if it’s MIL), I don’t find it wrong to let her know what you want and ask her to chill abit on her end. Don’t back down, stand firm with your decisions. Don’t let her lead. We appreciate them for helping out and giving advices but there should be a limit if it makes us uncomfortable. Lock your room door when you sleep. If she knocks your door at 4am, tell her off because no one in the right mind will keep banging on someone’s door at 4am right?! If you want to bring your son out, do it. Just let her know where you’re going, no need to explain any further.. If she ask your helper to take over, just tell her firmly, NO NEED, I can handle, Thank you. If she thinks 7 week old is too fragile to shower, offer to wipe down then. Bring baby to the room, lock the door while you wipe him down. Only come out when you’re done. Eventually you’ll have to do something. Can you imagine if she insist baby stay with her while the both of you move over to new flat? Are you gonna let her be? Best to set boundaries earlier.

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Canice

Happy mummy of our lil bee

1y ago

Yes I told her. She also knows that my husband and I attended infant care class. Yet she still says he’s too small and fragile.

my mom keep saying to me the same thing - pass to her in the early morning so that we can rest, but we never did. but good thing is she will not barge into our bedroom unlike your mom. then better lock the door & be firm. better be firm now rather than later it will be hard to draw the boundary. your child will be confused who is the parent.

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Anonymous

1y ago

dont forget you are the parent now. i think its time to be firm with your mom. all the best!!

Could it be a misunderstanding? sometimes parents want to help us but they may not know how to, so they do it in the way they think is right. best to talk to your mum about it and clear the air.

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Anonymous

1y ago

I see, end of day, baby is yours. If you want to be more hands on with the baby, she also needs to respect your wishes. I'm also a FTM with a young infant. Communication with parents is very important if they are helping to look after the baby. I learnt that parents want to help but sometimes they may not know what we want or need, up to us to let them know. good luck, hope everything will be ok for you and your family soon.

Must lock your bedroom door. It is rude for anyone to enter without permission.

Home Baby husband i have been living with parents since marriage new place comes in m