The inexperienced mother who loss her baby

Hi Mommies Daddies Out There, This is a very long story which needs your time and patience. Just to let my heartache and frustration out of myself after a long grieve. I lost my baby boy as he was born extreme premature due to my water broken earlier when he was just 23 weeks and 3days. He was as fair as me, tall and fully thick hair as his daddy. My little champion even kicked me twice before i give birth to him naturally. It was like he is saying bye2 to me as a sign that he will leave me. He was alive when I give birth to him. Perhaps our country still lack of technology or medication to save extreme premature babies but as a mother, i feel soo frustrated, hate, angry whenever read on net about other foreign countries who able to save PPROM babies as mine. Before PPROM happend to me, i went to gov clinic for checkups, treated perfectly normal and basic urine , blood checkups and obimin given. On my week 13, My HBAC1 was 8.5 which means suspected as Prediabetic before pregnancy. but i was only asked to control on my diet. my sugar levels even always more than 6-7mmol/l before meal, i was just informed its fine. control your food. for god sake, i did not eat anything. i suspected it may harm my baby. but the doctor said its ok, control your food. my sugar level sometimes reach 8-9mmol/l after meal, no big fuss shown by doctors. i really control the portions till sometimes i will starve coz i could not swallow any food as i afraid it might hurt my baby. diabetes may harm baby if you ppl read more. I leave to god and to the doctors who treated me. Then After PPROM, The reason why my water broken earlier was given by doctors as i was not feel pain/ uncomfortable and its happens after i wake up from sleep. My sleeping position was just fine as i woke up as the same position as how i slept on my right side on the night before. The doctors told me i had GBS,a type of bacterial infection that can be found in a pregnant woman's vagina or rectum. And diabetes might contribute for GBS to broke the water sac early and leads to premature birth. I was like WHATTTTT!!?? so is it my fault? for what sake my urine checked everytime i came for check up. why i was informed to control on my diet from week 13 till 23. why no medicine given??? metformin is safe drug for pregnant lady. why no precaution given for me? these questions keep play on my head. End up it was like my mistake to lose my baby after TTC for more than a year. GBS only checked when we were around 34 weeks. i wish i could stay pregnant till that week but end up i lose my baby. Currently im pregnant after 6months loss of my little boy. Perhaps 7weeks. But im not happy. Im not happy as my first pregnancy. Im going for private checkups. yes super expensive. yes my husband the sole breadwinner of my house suffer to pay weekly checkups,injections. im afraid i will lose this baby as pervious. im afraid my baby might not healthy due to my conditions. We didnt know if there is any heartbeat yet or not, perhaps tomorrow check up, we will know it. im smiling for sake of my husband. My husband smiling for sake of me. Y im telling all these? Mommies and Daddies, pls go for second opinion always. Surely for my pregnancy this time, doctors will be alert after refer to my previous loss. but how about for the first time mommies out there? Are they deserve to loss a baby? Are they deserve to feel the same pain as mine? No one deserve. Not even my enemy deserve this pain. Dont depend on onetime gov check ups only. yes they are many mommies who just finely gave birth after gov check ups. but cases like mine is unpredictable. So, pls go for second opinion. Get a good gynae to check on you and your precious one. I wish all the mommies to be will be able to carry a healthy baby soon and may god sprinkle some baby dust for those who are currently TTC. Pls pray for me. i believe my son back to me in this pregnancy and i hope i able to carry my son again. Sorry for long rant and thank you for reading. With Concern & Care, The inexperienced mother who loss her baby.