I am a SAHM with 2 kids. I left my high pay job to care for my child as we are unable to find a good nanny nor helper and we got no help from our parents. At the beginning, I am still using my own saving from family expanse so there is no attitude change in my hubby. The moment I start getting household allowance he started to give me black face. He never help out in the house or make decisions for kids by giving excuse like he respect all my decisions but will start showing me his black face when I don't see eye to eye on his "opinion or decision". For example, he want to see his parents on one Sunday and I told him I will prefer to stay at home to rest due to the sleepless night as my kid is teething. He will say ok but start showing black face or talk to me rudely until I give in. He also stop communicating with me saying that he don't understand my "housewife" mindset or complaining that I talk to him at wrong hours. But there is never a time to talk to him at all. For example, he told me not to discuss anything with him before he go to work, on his way to work, during his work time, during his lunch time, right after he come home, while he is eating or playing his phone nor before he sleep. Also he expected me to keep house spank and clean, preparing dinner on top of caring for our girls and visiting his parents every week. (I don't really like to visit my in-laws as they did the same to me right after I resigned to be a housewife.) If I don't, he will start shout and showing me "black face" again. With all those requirements to fulfil, he expect me to be loving and send him "love" message every day. When I try to explain to him, he will start comparing me with his friends' Wife and start belittle my characters. I don't feel love at all from him or respect by his family and start thinking if I should get a job and start planning my divorce with him as he only use me as a helper. However, I am concern for my kids as they are still so young. What should I do?

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I was a SAHM for 8 years and because he was the source of household income, our finances became together, his money is your money, you guys are a team, you are not only entitled to an allowance, you should have access to the household money just as he is. In another note, I understand being a SAHM, our focus in the husband and kids becomes magnified, because they are our only world, sometimes after a long day of work, the last thing they want to do is to get into a deep conversation and maybe confrontational one with the wife, and many a times it has happen to me that he shut me out. Going back to work will really help shift your attention and energy from him, and it'll help. All that said, he is not justified for his actions, perhaps find a right time to tell him how you feel calmly and find a common grounds. Good luck!

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6y ago

Stay At Home Mom/Mother 😊