I am a SAHM with 2 kids. I left my high pay job to care for my child as we are unable to find a good nanny nor helper and we got no help from our parents. At the beginning, I am still using my own saving from family expanse so there is no attitude change in my hubby. The moment I start getting household allowance he started to give me black face. He never help out in the house or make decisions for kids by giving excuse like he respect all my decisions but will start showing me his black face when I don't see eye to eye on his "opinion or decision". For example, he want to see his parents on one Sunday and I told him I will prefer to stay at home to rest due to the sleepless night as my kid is teething. He will say ok but start showing black face or talk to me rudely until I give in. He also stop communicating with me saying that he don't understand my "housewife" mindset or complaining that I talk to him at wrong hours. But there is never a time to talk to him at all. For example, he told me not to discuss anything with him before he go to work, on his way to work, during his work time, during his lunch time, right after he come home, while he is eating or playing his phone nor before he sleep. Also he expected me to keep house spank and clean, preparing dinner on top of caring for our girls and visiting his parents every week. (I don't really like to visit my in-laws as they did the same to me right after I resigned to be a housewife.) If I don't, he will start shout and showing me "black face" again. With all those requirements to fulfil, he expect me to be loving and send him "love" message every day. When I try to explain to him, he will start comparing me with his friends' Wife and start belittle my characters. I don't feel love at all from him or respect by his family and start thinking if I should get a job and start planning my divorce with him as he only use me as a helper. However, I am concern for my kids as they are still so young. What should I do?

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you sacrificed your career for his (both your) children and yet may gana syang mag attitude ng ganyan. he doesn't know how hard to be a stay at mom especially if you have a baby na inaalagaan. maybe talk to him about his attitude problems. you can find a job at home too. para wala na syang masabi saka mo iwan (😂 kidding aside). He should know his responsibilities, starting when he married you and when you started to have a child not only about the gastos but also his job as a father and a husband.

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How do u determine good and suitable nanny ? i will go back to work is im u and i will show him the same attitude as what he have shown to me . they probably feel that being a SAHM is the easiest job in the whole and u taking allowance from him its like living on him , adding his burdeb and they feel that they can show u attitude. Get a nanny again , try to be easy on the nanny , some mummies have high expectation . go back to work and show them who is the bosS!

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8y ago

In my context, she is willing to support my parenting decision in breastfeeding and BLW.

Very tough job as sahm. Respect to you for doing that! You really should get back to work and probably find day care for your kids. It may not be ideal for you but it is a win win rather than now it is a lose win (lose being you and your self esteem) Very sad to hear your husband being this way towards you. Stay strong!

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VIP Member

please go for counseling. he needs to understand how you feel, and understand that his expectations of a wife doesn't align with yours. as a married couple, somethings cannot be compromised, neglected, assumed, or taking control of. both of you need to put it out and talk about it. take care

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VIP Member

You should have a talk with your husband and let him know that, for you to send him 'love' messages daily just like other men's wife, maybe seek advise from those men how they dote on their wife daily so their wife can be so free to send those msges daily. Things takes 2 hands to clap

Hi mummies, I suggest divorce is the last option,kids are still young. I can feel you. If I am you,I should go and work. Put the kids at childcare. Take money from guy,still have to see their black face. is not easy as a housewife, for their guy thinking, they think we gt nothing to do at home.

Mummy, try working at home. I am a single mom with 3 kids and raise them more than 10 years myself. Work from home is the best solution. First, u work you have income u watch the kids u take care of the home then husband cannot complain right... they only work.

VIP Member

Do have a heart to heart talk with your husband, not at home but somewhere quiet to thrash things out. I don't think you should be taking all this crap considering how much you're doing for the family and all. good luck !

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Be direct with him using I statement, I feel, I need, I want, respect his feeling be understanding while stating your concerns. If all else fails ask a 3rd party to guide a discussion.