I am a SAHM with 2 kids. I left my high pay job to care for my child as we are unable to find a good nanny nor helper and we got no help from our parents. At the beginning, I am still using my own saving from family expanse so there is no attitude change in my hubby. The moment I start getting household allowance he started to give me black face. He never help out in the house or make decisions for kids by giving excuse like he respect all my decisions but will start showing me his black face when I don't see eye to eye on his "opinion or decision". For example, he want to see his parents on one Sunday and I told him I will prefer to stay at home to rest due to the sleepless night as my kid is teething. He will say ok but start showing black face or talk to me rudely until I give in. He also stop communicating with me saying that he don't understand my "housewife" mindset or complaining that I talk to him at wrong hours. But there is never a time to talk to him at all. For example, he told me not to discuss anything with him before he go to work, on his way to work, during his work time, during his lunch time, right after he come home, while he is eating or playing his phone nor before he sleep. Also he expected me to keep house spank and clean, preparing dinner on top of caring for our girls and visiting his parents every week. (I don't really like to visit my in-laws as they did the same to me right after I resigned to be a housewife.) If I don't, he will start shout and showing me "black face" again. With all those requirements to fulfil, he expect me to be loving and send him "love" message every day. When I try to explain to him, he will start comparing me with his friends' Wife and start belittle my characters. I don't feel love at all from him or respect by his family and start thinking if I should get a job and start planning my divorce with him as he only use me as a helper. However, I am concern for my kids as they are still so young. What should I do?

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I think divorce should really be the last option. It would be really tough to raise your kids yourself and work at the same time to support them. I feel you need to find a good time to tell him honestly how you feel (how under appreciated and 'used' you feel) and ask him if he really prefers you to go back to work to help support the family. If so, you should pre empt him that you expect him to help in managing the housework and children too since both of you will be working. And find a childcare that can take care of your kids. For me I was on no pay leave for 10 months before going back to work. While it was tough letting go of my kid and relinquishing the care of her to an infantcare and now childcare, some benefits I saw was her growing more independent and not clingy to me, and her mandarin is really decent for a less than 2 year old considering how we only speak English at home. Plus I get to go on dates with the husband sometimes on my non working days while she's in childcare and catch up with him. And we now have more money so it's not such a huge pressure on him. I try to make time with my child count when I'm not working. Draw up a list of pros and cons with your husband and make a joint decision on what's best for your family :)

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