Worried mom of 3
here i would like to raise a concern abt hw i have been feeling the past 10 years of my marriage. I have no idea if age is a factor to how hormones changes. me and my spouse (M) has a 5 year gap (me being the older party). Since the start of the marriage, i feel that he needs time to adjust being a 'family' man. some mention that because of young marriage, i took away his youth hence it is fine to wait till the time is right for him to understand that the mutual agreement he has decided to commit is not just a mere simple thing. i waited from 1st to 2nd child. nothing comes out from it despite him being very hardworking towards family household. but that doesnt make me someone dependent on him. i too work to 'assist' with the family finance on top on taking the role of a mother and a wife. throughout my 9 mth pregnancy for both child, there was not a single moment i truly feel he is being a husband except the point when he 'requested' for sex. i went thru all my sensitive pregnancy moment alone or for the 2nd pregnancy with a toddler despite being heavily pregnant myself. to the exend i went home after birth, after c-sect, alone with the child, coz M say he needs to work. he is working on a daily basis dat point of time, with no cpf. so no work means no money. dont have to even mention abt after birth care, coz i did it all alone. i get tired. and i realize that is where my sex desire runs out. i have no desire for sex like ordinary woman does. i ever mention to a close friend once that everytime i have sex with M, i felt like being rape by my own spouse. and most wld probably say, "no sex but u can have 3 child now?"..yes, because it was a forced sex. i get beaten, cursed, slapped, kicked & even hurled vulgarities each time i rejected him. here is when my trauma began. each time that happen, i end up with bruises, some can be easily seen, some i had hide it away. each time i reject, he will kick me, slapped me, punch me, pushed me. he always mention im taking advantage of him because he was younger than me. he always say if i got married to an older man, i would have probably got beaten and divorced right away. M keeps telling me "all men is the same. they need sex and attention from the wife. they can turn berserk if their sex wants is not fulfil". is that how world? he cares none abt my emotion well-being, never once i feel he fulfil his role as a husband except that he claims all that we have now is due to his hard work because he forgo his youth. Fyi, i have been working also throughout the marriage and even contributed for cpf for the house we are in now. and because he has no stable income, all loans and credit card (which i have to take to cover for his non working days) are under my name and my income. but thats way too long to share my question be - do men get this furious when sex is rejected? does beating a women up and after which doing sex gives a sense of fulfilment? im lost since 10 years back
Dreaming of becoming a parent