Worried mom of 3

here i would like to raise a concern abt hw i have been feeling the past 10 years of my marriage. I have no idea if age is a factor to how hormones changes. me and my spouse (M) has a 5 year gap (me being the older party). Since the start of the marriage, i feel that he needs time to adjust being a 'family' man. some mention that because of young marriage, i took away his youth hence it is fine to wait till the time is right for him to understand that the mutual agreement he has decided to commit is not just a mere simple thing. i waited from 1st to 2nd child. nothing comes out from it despite him being very hardworking towards family household. but that doesnt make me someone dependent on him. i too work to 'assist' with the family finance on top on taking the role of a mother and a wife. throughout my 9 mth pregnancy for both child, there was not a single moment i truly feel he is being a husband except the point when he 'requested' for sex. i went thru all my sensitive pregnancy moment alone or for the 2nd pregnancy with a toddler despite being heavily pregnant myself. to the exend i went home after birth, after c-sect, alone with the child, coz M say he needs to work. he is working on a daily basis dat point of time, with no cpf. so no work means no money. dont have to even mention abt after birth care, coz i did it all alone. i get tired. and i realize that is where my sex desire runs out. i have no desire for sex like ordinary woman does. i ever mention to a close friend once that everytime i have sex with M, i felt like being rape by my own spouse. and most wld probably say, "no sex but u can have 3 child now?"..yes, because it was a forced sex. i get beaten, cursed, slapped, kicked & even hurled vulgarities each time i rejected him. here is when my trauma began. each time that happen, i end up with bruises, some can be easily seen, some i had hide it away. each time i reject, he will kick me, slapped me, punch me, pushed me. he always mention im taking advantage of him because he was younger than me. he always say if i got married to an older man, i would have probably got beaten and divorced right away. M keeps telling me "all men is the same. they need sex and attention from the wife. they can turn berserk if their sex wants is not fulfil". is that how world? he cares none abt my emotion well-being, never once i feel he fulfil his role as a husband except that he claims all that we have now is due to his hard work because he forgo his youth. Fyi, i have been working also throughout the marriage and even contributed for cpf for the house we are in now. and because he has no stable income, all loans and credit card (which i have to take to cover for his non working days) are under my name and my income. but thats way too long to share my question be - do men get this furious when sex is rejected? does beating a women up and after which doing sex gives a sense of fulfilment? im lost since 10 years back

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Here i would like to add on too. M has always been over jealosu abt my close relationship with his brother accusing his brothers to have a tght of seducing me or only close to me because of some sex desire. he say he knw what all men think. but here is what surprises me, desipte all the accusation he had of me towards his brothers whom i have known for ages and all whom are married too and im generally close to everyone, M was caught having an affair with a pregnant woman. affair that only manage to last for about 3-4 months coz he was caught by me. yet he gave reason, because he lack of sex from me and the other woman has lack of sex from the husband. till now he still stalk the woman. and what i feel most hurt is, he shared my bedroom flaws with the woman, that when i confronted her, she advise me to spend more time with my husband rather than my kids. she advise me to prioritize my husband more than my kids. she who is pregnant and having affair with my spouse advises me that. what more humiliating experienced coz M gave to me all for a matter of sex

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2y ago

My advise is, u will be better off without him. Else, get a protection order. In no way should a man hit a lady. On the topic about sex, I have not had sex with my wife since we knew she was expecting.. I did not once ask for it. As it's just me not feeling good about having sex with my child in there.. When I have the urge, I will just DIY. Cheers.

hi mummy, just wanted to tell you that you've contributed so much to the family and don't let this guilt trip you into feeling like something is wrong with you. To answer your question, personally i feel it boils down to the maturity of men. Yes, some men do get furious but I think most men lean more towards frustration when they can't fulfil their needs. And also yes to them (some) having a sense of fulfilment after beating women. Not sure if it's an ego thing? Like they want to feel like they hold power over you. Or maybe they want to instil fear so you will give in to his demands. Just my thoughts... Wishing you will be able to work this out. Take care!

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VIP Member

To me, domestic violence is just wrong and shouldn't be tolerated. Whether it's by a woman or man. Don't you feel used? Throughout my pregnancy all my husband wants to do is massage my feet, hold me, let me lay on his chest, kiss my cheeks and forehead and constantly tell me how much he loves me and our baby. He's very hardworking too, and he's been responsible with housework. I couldn't ask for a better husband, and I'm sure you deserve that too. Pls get some help or counselling ASAP. Try AWARE, if you're in singapore.

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M is wrong not all men are the same over sex. went through similar times and was also poor parental/ partner support in the early days because I thought my work was more important. It most definitely is not HITTING A WOMAN IS A COWARDLY ACT! This should never be condoned or accepted no matter what is said and done or not done. hitting a woman over sex is desperate control and mind boggling. speak to a councillor or professional and get help. don't be afraid.

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What rubbish is in his bird brain. My Husband will just nag alittle if I reject him on sex that’s all about it. He needs to respect u no matter what. If u r too tired for sex then he should accept it. So what if he is younger , he too made the decision to marry you. So why push all the blame to you. Please don’t let the abuse continue, it is not healthy for you or your kids. Reach out for help if you mean well for your kids.

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I don't know if your post is 2 years back or just recently. Pertaining to your question, yes, some do feel the excitement after they punch you, slapped you, even kicked you in the face stomach and head. Imagine with your throbbing pain, bruises, after effect cry and swollen face, they comfort you then want sex. WTH are they even thinking!

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Hey momma you should not be putting up with an abusive man!! Not all men are like that.. please go seek some help if you can. Take good care.