How to forgive a husband who visited prostitution?

It didn't occur to me that it would happen to me but it did. I’ll try to summarise as much as I could else it’ll turn this into a novel. For almost 10 years we’ve been together, he had been nothing but faithful until this year. He is a respectable man and doted on me. However, after our first child, we starting growing apart. I spent all my energy on our child but we still had sex regularly until our child co-sleep with us. That was the beginning of the end. I got pregnant again quite unexpectedly, we wanted to wait another year initially. Being pregnant and taking full-time care of a toddler made me physically exhausted by the end of the day and caused my sex drive to be on an all-time low. Subsequently, we started to communicate lesser because I felt like he couldn't understand my sacrifices and vice-versa. We only spoke when necessary else we’ll quarrel and I tried to give him sex 1-2 a month but he stopped demanding for it after a while. I did ask him before why isn't he asking for sex (before I found out) and he just casually said it's because I didn't feel like it and didn't want to pressure me into giving. Soon enough, I reached the 7th month of my pregnancy and that was when I found out he went behind my back to visit prostitution. My whole world honestly collapsed and the trust that was there for all these years gone in an instant. He was the last man I believed would ever do that to me but I was wrong. He came clean. He answered everything that I asked on the spot and begged me not to leave him. He admitted he visited the brothel a total of three times and the first time he visited was when I was 2-3 months into pregnancy. He cried and told me there was no excuse for what he did, he just fucked up. He also told me he planned to go once more before I deliver the child and wasn't expecting me to find out. (too honest?) I talked to him a bit more while I was crying nonstop, he claims his friends some attached some married also did the same and they make it sound like it's socially acceptable to do it. It was really daunting because all these while, I never thought we had a problem in our marriage. After the incident, we ironically became closer than before. We communicated more, voluntarily spending more time with each other and became more transparent about our feelings towards each other. He also made his location known to me by letting me track him on the ”find my friends” app so I can feel more at ease but I try not to look at it much else it makes me feel like I'm crazy. However, the wound is still very fresh and I often wonder if I should ever trust him again? Until now, I haven't told him I forgive him but I will strive in that path of forgiving. I hope no mummies here ever have to experience this kind of a pain but if there is, I would be very glad to hear your advice, opinion, and story about it. ??

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People would tell you to leave him, but how easy would it be for you when you have loved and trusted this man for 10 years? How easy would it be for you to be a single mom to a toddler and soon, a newborn. Talk is cheap, people can easily tell you they will not forgive and move on. But have they been through this? They have not experienced the pain that you did and thus, it is easy for them to say with a logical mind to leave him cos he cheated. The strength it takes to leave the person you love so much, is even greater than the strength it takes to hold onto the marriage. There are only 2 options, clearly: 1) Leave him and try to pick up your life yourself, hopefully with the support of your family and friends. Try not to think of him and the past. It will be easier to move on if your love to him turns into hatred for what he had done. However, life will be tough. You have relied on him for 10 years, and it will just be on you alone, supporting your kids. You are the one whose going to feel guilty for your kids not having a complete family, even though he should be the one feeling guilty, he won’t. You loved him for 10 years, it may take another 10 years to stop loving and thinking of him. You will never be able to cut off complete ties with him, cos you have 2 kids. And you will still see him, do you think you can stop loving him cos you still will be seeing him due to the children? 2) Forgive him. Try not to think of the past, but I know you will never trust him like you did. It was 10 years of trust, how long would it take to be built up again? Even if you forgive, you will never forget. You will always live in fear and suspicion. Things will never be the same again. Even if on the surface, you both are closer now, the wound will always hurt for you. You will always be hurting randomly. No matter how happy you get, there will always be a scar. How long does it take for a scar to heal? Does he really care if you are hurt? Cos if he did, why would he even try to hurt you in the first place? Sometimes I don't understand how can men swear that they love their wives so much and yet still cheat. Cos they think if it's not exposed, it's not wrong since it's not gonna hurt? Where is the morals and integrity and that so-called deep love? I can't advise which option is better for you. Both would hurt, cos what he did already caused the consequences. Truth hurts.

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I just found out I have experienced the same thing. He started after we got married. I was 5 months pregnant with our second child two years in a row. I just found out when my baby is now 11 months and I am pregnant with the third child. I always suspected something and would always go through his search history. The moment after a few months I knew he slept with another woman and had no proof. He kept lying to me and saying he didn’t. I finally checked his google voice he was using to communicate to hookers and had just attempted 2 months before. I can look back and see every time he has done this. Leaving all day while I was at work to go to Mexico!! Also getting many happy ending massages he claims every massage parlor in America gives them. They don’t ask he doesn’t ask they just do it. I can’t even understand how this happens as they are illegal in the US. So are hookers but he knows how to contact them. The hardest part for me to forgive is that he could have given HIV to me or our baby. I don’t even know if I have something now but I did get a blood test yesterday. The fact that he never put our lives in consideration hurts so bad. And he did say that he never intended me to find out. He thought one day he would just be a better man and all would be in the past. He justifies it by saying he never kissed them or had any emotional attachment. But picturing him touching skin with another woman and his penis going inside of her are images that haunt me. I was never lacking sex for my husband. He need it at least once a day and I never deny him. The only thing is being pregnant I get cramps when I go one top I can’t get on my knees and I can only do certain positions. He couldn’t be patient for me. He didn’t take care of me. I feel ultimately betrayed

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I feel your pain - no one should ever go through what you go through. I was once betrayed by my then-boyfriend (who is now my husband), so I totally can resonate with you. We’ve been together for more than 10 years at that time too. He cheated on me with his colleague for a few months before I found out. Long story short, I decided to forgive him and we both agreed to move past it. I have to admit that it wasn’t easy at first. Forgiving him took everything I had. There were moments where I doubted my forgiveness and felt like I wanted to simply end the relationship. It wasn’t easy at first in the relationship post-cheating because I was reminded of his cheating every now and then. As cliche as this sounds, time will really heal everything. It took me a couple of years to finally move on from it. The wound was very fresh especially in the beginning - I just had to go through with it because I told myself that was my decision to stay with him. Over time, the cheating episode seemed so distant that it didn’t matter anymore - the wound no longer hurt. I told myself I have control over my thoughts and emotions and I wasn’t going to let my ex-boyfriend and the girl he cheated with have power over me. Karma will eventually get them. They will get a taste of their own medicine. My advice is, to get over it, find your spiritual side - turn to your religion, turn to God. I don’t mean to sound preachy but this worldly life is temporary. Know that you have God with you.

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:( You're a strong woman. I know the feeling because my husband used to cheat on me when I was pregnant with his first child. He cheated in the beginning of my pregnancy, I already knew but I didn't confront at first because I was tired taking care of my pregnancy alone. He didn't know that I knew at first until the third trimester when I can't take it anymore. Imagine opening social media and I saw that "slut" account uploading sweet moment with my husband. We got into huge fight but I forgave him though. Honestly, I couldn't forget the past. I gave birth to his second child already... He's changed but I still couldn't forget what he did last time. I tried my very best to forget but couldn't. I'm insecure like why he did this to me... am I not enough or does he likes younger girl? I stayed for the sake of my children. My toddler really close to her father and I can't separate them 🥺 I grew up without a father and I don't want my child to go through that too. I sacrificed my feelings for my child. So yea... we're still together.

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I got cheated on before too, it was an ex. He slept with a girl that i sincerely hated wholeheartedly n i only found out 6months after it happened, she kept trying to come between us before we were even together n he never paid much attention to her until after lol. His friends too, made it seem like it’s “normal” n that it was a one time thing n that he’s being faithful after that, etc. They made it seem like i was overreacting(i didn’t leave him, i just cried n mainly kept how i felt to myself tho it was tearing me apart everyday) n even said that maybe it was because i couldn’t satisfy him?? Long story short, i left him almost 2 years after it happened due to his lack of respect for me, i forgave him for it but it never stopped bothering me. Sorry u had to go through this.

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i am never okay with cheating but honestly if i had a choice, i rather he's cheating on me by having sex with prostitutes rather than have an emotional relationship with another woman. this just shows that he's sexually frustrated and did not think much of the consequences because he didn't wanna pressure you into something you don't wanna do especially during your pregnancy. personally i will not be able to forgive him no matter what and will choose to separate ways but if your device is to still be together, i guess you can try looking at the brighter side that at the very least he had sex with a prostitute instead of cheating on you with another woman whom he can potentially leave you for?

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I cannot imagine how heartbreaking this must be for you. It angers me at what he feels gives him the right to go out there, “enjoy himself”, satisfy his sick needs when you have the pregnancy and your first child on your shoulders. He has spared no consideration for you in how he can possibly contract and bring home a venereal disease. There is absolutely no need to trust him again because he is very likely to keep doing it. Regardless, he has already broken all trust in betraying you when you are most vulnerable. Please take care and get away from him as soon as you safely can.

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Prostitution is better than cheating with a mistress. Prostitution is usually just transactional whereas a mistress usually wants to break the family up. Moreover, he let u track him with "find your friend" app. Can't ask for more. Forgive him this time around especially since communication has improved ever since. It's actually quite a common though unpleasant situation. I must say, forgive him only this once. If it happens again, no more chance. If forgiven more than once, they will just keep cheating again and again and again. I know people like these.

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Wow, u have a baby and another coming PLUS another grown a** baby to take care of. You shouldn’t even need to track him or whatever he’s not a child. You have ENOUGH on your plate. If I were you, I rather not have a man-child in my life who can’t even control himself. But it’s your choice and it’s your life and goodluck mummy. I hope God gives you all the strength to go through all of these. If you ever need to talk to someone, please get help as soon as possible.

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But now that u know he did with prostitute before, how can you get sexually aroused again with what he has committed before? The same dick that went in the mouths and hole of another. Chances are that the prostitute would have provided a more porn like and satisfying transactional experience. Every subsequent sex experience with him would have so many flashbacks and taunting. How do u mummies cope with that? Or you have mentality to be “better” than the prostitute?

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