A sense of guilt sending my kid to infant care

I have always been very career and money driven but I draw a modest pay. Often, my wife would remind me that money is not everything. I would gently agree to placate her. Today it felt like money is everything. An hour ago, I ended my third day orientation at my child’s infant care. I met the teachers whom are nice people. All the kids in the centre surprisingly are all Chinese. And their parents, like myself are perhaps busy working to make ends meet. It was a sad sight because it looks like a orphanage where kids are ‘discarded’ during office hours. A sense of guilt hit me. It became real that I had also discarded my child. And I thought to myself : if I had been more competent, studied harder or had worked smarter and had a higher earning power, my wife can choose to be a stay home mother instead of having to work to support our joint expenses. Yes money is everything. As the saying goes, if money doesn’t bring you happiness, you don’t know where to shop. So men, believe that money is everything. Money can buy your wife the freedom to stay home to look after your child, to enjoy your child, to spend her time during the best years of your child’s life.

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While I understand where you are coming from, I absolutely disagree with your point of view. I have been blessed that finances are not an issue for my spouse or me, and yet we choose to send our kid to infant care and now to preschool. I hardly see it as an “orphanage”, but a chance for her to learn new skills, educate herself and make new friends. My daughter has been in infant care since 2 months and she now goes to full day preschool. When I have number 2, I intend to do the same. There have been countless of studies that prove the effectiveness and necessity of sending your kids to preschool and early childhood education. You are doing your child a huge favour and not a disservice. Some of the advantages of early childhood education include: Improved social skills: Children learn to engage better with other children and adults. The preschool environment allows children to acquire vital skills that allow them to listen to others and express their own ideas, make friends, share, cooperate, and become accountable for their actions. Better performance in grade school: Children who receive early education are known to have a reduced need for special education instruction in elementary school and beyond. Quality preschool programs help to build a strong foundation for the child’s physical, mental, emotional, and social development that prepare them for a lifetime. Improved attention spans: Children are inclined to be curious and interested in discovering new things. Quality early childhood programs maximize opportunities for the discovery of new experiences, new environments, and new friends, while maintaining a balance with the ability to listen, participate in group tasks, follow directions, and work independently, all of which develop the vital life skill of concentration. Enthusiasm for lifelong learning: Children who receive quality early childhood education are reportedly more confident and curious, which causes them to perform better in primary school. Children learn how to manage challenges and build resilience in times of difficulty; settle easily at school to reap the benefits of education faster; and acquire a long-term interest in learning different things, including playing music, dancing, singing, construction, cooking, etc. Moreover, studies have shown that early childhood education preschool programs increase the likelihood of children graduating from high school with fewer behavioural issues, attending college, and becoming responsible young adults.

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3y ago

Totally agree with this. Stay at home mom does not give the mom freedom too.

Perhaps given the choice, even if you hold a high salary, your wife might still choose to work eventually. Being a SAHM isn’t that simple... but that’s beside the point. Even as a working mum, it doesn’t mean that you will have to compromise on your child’s development or relationship with him/her. And don’t think of it as an “orphanage”, I believe that sending them to daycare could offer a variety of opportunities for them to learn further skills as well and build a community :)

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I think you can look at this from various angles. I sent my son to infant care/preschool since he was 18 months old. My Husband and I were earning a fairly good salary but we wanted our son to be in an environment where he is with other kids and adults. No one felt guilty with this decision. Money is not everything but in everything you have to have moderation. So long you and your wife are working as a team, you can help each other raise your kids well.

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Please don't feel guilty about this. I believe there are far worse situations . Always tell yourself that you are doing the best for your child. I think it's good that you have the drive to do better in life which is commendable so don't give up!(:

Dun feel so think at the positive side, my girl was send on 2 mths plus n done she is ald 2 years old can speak alot of words n more sociable.

Agree with you. Have to communicate and come out with the something both agrees. Some give and take is inevitable.

is hard to strike a balance. some sacrifice needed sometime.

Sometimes you have to strike a balance.

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Wise words