Can someone help me understand the mentality of sahm?

Can someone help me understand the mentality of sahm? So often have I come across sahm or daddies whose wives are sahm who came and persuade me to quit my job and be a sahm for the kids. They always told me that kids grow up so fast and that I should treasure the time with my kids while they are young. They always told me that money can always be earned but we can never earned back the time lost. When I told them I would consider or straight that I am ok with being a ftwm, I always get their annoyed look, as if I am not a good mother. They would tell me that I would regret my decision in future and that I am not placing my kids above my career. They would make me feel so guilty. Yet, many of these sahm, placed their child to cc for the whole day. So what is the difference when the time spent by these sahm with their kids r equal as that of a ftwm? I had even come across sahm whom says ftw parents r irresponsible parents bcoz they send their kids who have nt 100% recovered to school. When working parents told them abt the challenge of taking leaves for days just to make sure their kids have totally no symptoms, or that they simply have not enough leaves, these sahm can bash the working parents as saying they are uncaring and unethical parents as they cared more about their work than the health of their child. Some sahm always mentioned that people should not give birth if they have no help around or could not afford to keep their children at home in the event of sickness. I also came across one who says that the government should is penalising sahm as sahm receive lower cc subsidy than working mums. That they should receive equal, if not higher cc subsidy than working mums since they r nt working and household incomes had been halved. But then again, if sahm sincerely quit their job to look after and spend more time with their kids, then by right they should not have the need to put their children in cc? They should not need any additional subsidy? So to me, it always sounds like sahm are self entitled people who wants the best of both worlds. They just dont want to work using child caring as an excuse, and they want government (essentially are tax payers == working parents) to pay for their childs full day cc fee when they could afford to keep their child at home or just attend half day. Being a sahm also empowers them to criticise working parents for not putting their kids as priority. So can someone help me understand the mentality of sahm? Because I really get frustrated at time with their judging criticism and yet find that they are doing the opposite as what they preach.

Anonymous

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The mentality of stay-at-home moms (SAHMs) can vary greatly from person to person, as individuals have different reasons and motivations for choosing this lifestyle. It's important to recognize that generalizations or stereotypes about any group of people may not capture the full diversity of their experiences and perspectives. Some SAHMs choose to prioritize their children and their upbringing during their formative years. They believe that spending more time with their children is crucial for their development and bonding, and they may feel that being personally involved in their children's daily lives is a rewarding and fulfilling experience. They often emphasize the importance of treasuring the time with children while they are young, as they believe it is a fleeting period that cannot be regained once it's gone. Regarding the issue of childcare arrangements, it's true that some SAHMs do choose to send their children to daycare or preschool. This decision can be influenced by various factors, such as socialization opportunities for the child, the SAHM's need for personal time or work outside the home, or specific circumstances that may require additional support. Each family's situation is unique, and it's essential to avoid making assumptions about individual choices without understanding the full context. It's also worth noting that not all SAHMs share the same opinions or attitudes. Just like in any group, there will be diverse perspectives and beliefs. Some SAHMs may express judgment or criticism toward working parents, but it's important to remember that this does not represent the views of all SAHMs. It's crucial to approach discussions with empathy, open-mindedness, and a willingness to understand different perspectives. In summary, the mentality of SAHMs is influenced by personal values, priorities, and circumstances. While it's essential to have open discussions and share diverse viewpoints, it's equally important to avoid making sweeping generalizations or assuming that all SAHMs hold the same opinions or act in the same way.

VIP Member

There are pros and cons to be a working mum or a stay at home mum. Honestly what matters most is how mums feel. If you want to be a stay at home mum, then be one. If you want to work, then work. If you feel that your friends/family or strangers are up in your face, there is no reason why you can’t be also up in their face, using science, statistics and logical arguments. Hopefully this makes them think twice about being in your business in the future. :) Here are 3 studies and research that you can read up more on that talks about the benefits working mums :) 1. Women whose mums worked outside the home are more likely to have jobs themselves, are more likely to hold supervisory responsibility at those jobs, and earn higher wages than women whose mothers stayed home full time 2. working moms are in a mentally and physically better place than stay-at-home moms. Especially pronounced by age 40. 3. According to the National Women’s Health Information Center, stress can affect women’s emotional and physical health in a variety of ways including headaches, stomachaches, and back pain. Suffering from these symptoms chronically can harm the mother-child bond. Luckily, another study found that working women are more efficient at managing stress than nonworking ones since they face many circumstances in the workplace that make them stronger, more patient, and emotionally sound.

IMO, no right no wrong. Those who told you to quit and SAH (assuming you prefer to be a FTWM), just ask them if they are gonna pay for your kid’s expenses? If not who are they to decide for you. Some SAHMs who send their child to CC may have their own reasons? Certain conditions which makes them unable to work/husband don’t want them to. I am personally a SAHM and I only intend to send my baby straight to nursery skipping PG. Not gonna lie, a part of my introvert self prefers to SAH and I definitely prefer babysitting over working. I do get comments from people like why I didn’t send my kid to school so she can learn more and be smarter(?), why I don’t want to go and work instead etc etc. Repeated myself multiple times and now I just smile and ignore. What I can say is, don’t need to try and understand the stand of SAHM/FTWM/SAHM who put their kids in CC. Be the mum you are comfortable with and if surrounding allows you to be in certain position. Mouth is on others, we can shut off one, but there will always be another one two three. We just need to do our part, raise our kids the way we want. It is impossible to have the best of both worlds unless you are rich to begin with. SAHM = No income, more time spent with baby. FTWM = Got income, less time spent with baby. Regardless, once you’re a mum, you technically have no “off” days! 😊

Anonymous

2y ago

Thanks for your kind reply. ikr. There is no path fits all. We should all be less judgemental and critical while being more supportive and respectful to each others choices.

honestly, all I can say is, there isn't "right" or "wrong", and I have been both sahm and ftwm. there are pros and cons to both roles, it really depends on what you want. for me, I choose my kids, since having a career is not that important to me (I'm just an office admin, not high flyer 😊) and I am fortunate enough to have a very supportive and financially stable spouse. I admit being sahm can be rather lonely at times, lack of financial independence, outside world social interactions but my kids are at their ages only once, there's no turning back the clock when I am not there for their first step, first words. these mean the world to me, not the money in my bank account...

VIP Member

Different person lead different lifestyle and have different opinions. We can listen to what they say as they have freedom of speech. But we don’t need to take their opinions to heart. We lead our own life and we know best what we want. Working mum can provide more to the children by having confidence that you could provide your own children, can give financial security, can provide child care and other fees, etc. working doesn’t reduce any amount of mother’s love. It’s all depends on our act of love.

One point you are right about if that government don’t support sahm enough. They want birth rates but whos going to pay for all the expenses. Under circumstances then every women will want to make their own career and money and not getting bogged down by child support. Why are we cultivating the next generation for the country then without much support, maybe the country will import talents then.

TapFluencer

everyone shd hv their own right to decide... i would love to continue working but i m unable to manage my kidz studies... do stay on in the workforce if u can manage 💕

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