Need help dealing with overbearing sister in law and clingy mother in law

SIL likes to dictate our lives and it’s getting too overwhelming. She comes to our place and tells us what we need to buy or own. She also forced us to use her old baby mattresses (last used was 5 yrs ago) when I told her I’m not comfortable with it. She got upset with me when I didn’t wanna accept all her kids’ old clothes as some had holes and some were moldy. I did keep those that looked wearable. And the baby chair looked unstable and had the moldy plastic smell. When I had baby blues (mainly because of her overbearing behaviour and my MIL’s constant visiting and not allowing me and baby to have proper rest), she told my husband she didn’t have it so she feels I shouldn’t have it either. I finally broke down one day and cried loudly, which my MIL accidentally overheard, and now she and my MIL feels offended by me. It’s like I don’t even have the right to be upset. While my husband have told them to back off from me, they’re still telling and dictating what my husband needs to do. Now they want our new maid to go clean my parent in law’s house also, which I feel is not right. And insist we go stay over at my parent in laws’ place regularly (we are living with my parents temporarily until our new place comes), which I find unnecessary and logistically too much. They have been trying to convince my husband to continue this living arrangement and rent out our new house instead. These are just a few examples of the things they do, and I honestly cannot take it anymore. No matter what my husband tell them, they just won’t back off from him. Even though they don’t directly approach me now, they still approach my husband to enforce their ideas on him, which then affects our new family as a whole, and I am really very very of their nonsense. My husband is also at his wits end because they would threaten him that he would break down the relationship at home and they would stop showing concern or giving us anything else if we keep rejecting their ideas and ‘help’. Even basic thing like naming of our son, my sis in law also threatened my husband and said if he insist on naming our own son, it will break apart the family. In the end we had to give in and let my FIL name him. Please help give me suggestions on how my husband and I can deal with my SIL. #firsttimemom #advicepls

Anonymous

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For me, I would have totally accept their suggestions of breaking down the family. It’s not like I can’t live without them but it seems more like the other way round.. yet they still have the cheek to use this to threaten your hub to get things to go their way? Such bullshit. I cannot take it especially the naming part, my family tried to force me to name my daughter pearl like seriously pearl?! This is very rude of your hub’s family tbh, they had their chance of naming their kid already then who are they to strip off that chance from you Wtf. Some people they just need to learn how to mind their own business. Your husband needs to be very firm on this, DON’T let them think that they can threaten your husband to get things to go their way else it will only be on loop. He needs to tell them once “Sure go ahead. Don’t keep using this to threaten me. I’ve gave in enough and we sacrificed a lot to give in to you guys but that does not mean that we SHOULD. Respect works both ways, if you don’t know how to appreciate that, then you all don’t deserve that.” Play the cold war, stop giving in. Don’t give in immediately even if they try to make peace (They will use it on you every single time thinking they just say sorry can already.). My mum is like your hub’s family, really need to give them a good one else they will 变本加厉 and think you guys nice to manipulate. (Not sure if you can read Chinese but Idk how to explain this in English.) Stay strong fellow mama!!!!

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Anonymous

2y ago

Thank you for your response. I will learn to manage these people. Appreciate all your encouragement here :)

Wow. You and your husband have a very delicate and complicated problem. No easy answers. If possible, I would suggest you move far away from them - perhaps move to another country especially if the relationship is bordering on toxic. What’s most important is you and your husband share the same sentiments and love/support each other Stay strong and positive! You and your husband are in the right here IMO

Anonymous

2y ago

I also want to move far far away, but when we bought our house, I didn’t realise they are so tyrant. Now too late to back out from the house to buy another place already. My SIL’s pattern only appeared near the end of my third trimester :(

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