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Around the time that your child starts secondary school, you might need to adjust your approach to discipline. Effective discipline for teenagers focuses on setting agreed limits and helping teenagers work within them. Teenage discipline: the basics Discipline isn’t about punishment. It’s about teaching children appropriate ways to behave. For teenagers, discipline is about agreeing on and setting appropriate limits and helping them behave within those limits. When your child was younger, you probably used a range of discipline strategies to teach him the basics of good behaviour. Now your child is growing into a teenager, you can use limits and boundaries to help him learn independence, take responsibility for his behaviour and its outcomes, and solve problems. Your child needs these skills to become a young adult with her own standards for appropriate behaviour and respect for others. An important part of this is learning to stick to some clear rules, agreed on in advance, and with agreed consequences. Teenagers don’t yet have all the skills they need to make all their own decisions, so the limits you agree on for behaviour are an important influence on your child. Teenage discipline is most effective when you: communicate openly with your child, so you can check in with each other about how the limits and rules are working build and maintain a warm and loving family environment, so your child feels safe to make mistakes. Children with warm family relationships learn to control their own behaviour, especially when guided by parents. Negotiation is a key part of communicating with teenagers and can help avoid problems. Negotiating with your child shows that you respect his ideas. It also helps him learn to compromise when necessary as part of decision-making. Agreeing on clear limits Clear limits and expectations can discourage problem behaviour from happening in the first place. Limits also help your child develop positive social behaviour, including showing concern for others. Here are some tips for setting clear limits: Involve your child in working out limits and rules. When your child feels that you listen to her and she can contribute, she’ll be more likely to see you as fair and stick to the agreed rules. Be clear about the behaviour you expect. It can help to check that your child has understood your expectations. For example, a rule such as ‘Come home after the movie’ might mean one thing to you, but something different to your child. But you can say it more precisely – for example, ‘Come straight home after the movie ends and don’t go anywhere else’. Discuss responsibilities with your child. For example, ‘I’m responsible for providing for you. You have responsibilities too, such as tidying your room’. Agree in advance with your child what the consequences will be if he doesn’t stick to the rules you’ve agreed on. Use descriptive praise when your child follows through on agreed limits. For example, ‘Thanks for coming straight home from the movie’. Be willing to discuss and adjust rules as your child shows responsibility or gets older – for example, by extending your child’s curfew. Different families have different standards and rules for behaviour.
My parents had different ways of dealing with me and my brothers when we were in our teens. We had different personalities and different discipline related phases. My elder brother was rebellious and did everything in his power to rage against "authority" be it in school or at home. They tried the harsh disciplinary ways but they found out that this fuelled him further so it boiled down to a lot of negotiations and tough love, which worked eventually. For me, I was the only girl and I wanted the same liberties as my brothers - going out till late, go on adventures alone etc. I didn't dare to argue with my parents so I would go about doing things in secret haha and this landed me in a lot of trouble with my parents. After lengthy discussions, they realised that they needed to trust me more and let me have my way but with the condition that I maintained my good grades. If my grades slipped, then my parents had the right to take away those privileges. Setting limits and lots of discussions/negotiations is important in discipling teenagers. Punishments and old school ways of punishments might just push away the teen.
Being the mother of a teenager, I believe one has to be more of friends with the teenager than simple rebuke him. Teenagers cannot be treated the same way as the toddlers. Their body and mind goes through changes. Parents need to talk about good and bad, peer pressure, sex, body changes, etc. everything, at the same time somewhere they should know that the parents are still the authority. Teenagers also need to follow a routine, follow the basic values of love and respect, be answerable to the parents. Disciplining teenagers is by a mix of being "parent" and being a "friend".
Dealing with teenagers can be really tricky and that's because they have so much going on in their lives. After all, juggling academics, peer pressure and parents' expectations is not easy. However, the upside of dealing with teenagers is that they are very vocal. They maybe defiant, but at the same time, they are very communicative. So the easiest approach to disciplining them would be to talk it out upfront with them. They may not agree with you, they may argue, but this only means you have another chance to convince them your point of view.
When kids enter their teens and if you are not already little friendly with your kids and a strict parent than you got to change yourself a bit. You have to let go of your stern attitude and be friendly with your kids. At this age, you cannot get away with the teenage kids by spanking, scolding or screaming. You got to be friendly and there is no other way out. Be logical, friendly and understanding. This doesn't mean that you have to do whatever they say, and this thing will not only arise if you will have a healthy conversations with them.
The teenage years of anyone's life is perhaps the most tumultuous. It's at once the most confusing, exciting, traumatic and no one can really blame them from acting out; after all we have all been teenagers and know what it's like. The most important thing about discipline, no matter the age, is making the recipient understand why your doing it. Always focus on the "why" and not the "how." Teenagers may not understand it at first, but they will sooner or later.
Be friends with him/her. Instead of dictating things have discussions and more and more conversations with them. Treat them like adults and not babies. Respect their opinions and also take them in considerations. Have them as a part of family discussions if there has to be made a decision on something. http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/discipline_teenagers.html
I'll set rules for them as early as they enter the puberty stage. I'll make sure that both of us understand to the pros and cons whenever they do something that is not good. I'll make sure we also have an open communication to maintain the relationship even if they are grown ups already.
i wont discipline a teenager, but i would talk to a teenager and find out what's happening. a teenager will respond if they trust you. a bond is very important for them to be willing to hear you out.
Parang walang pressure po sa akin. Para lang kasi kaming friends ng mga anak ko. They’re very open sa akin lalo na yung 15 year old ko. Kaya pag meron issue sa amin, ang dali lang silang kausapin.