How to let elder sister to love her baby sister?

Headache my daughter (3.5 years old) refuses to touch/share/play with her lil sister (5.5 months old now). We have already tried our best to tell her how much we love her; and let her understand sibling's love, etc.. but she is still the same. Is it too early to tell ? or it would be getting better? I am quite worry the longer time it takes to let her understand, situation will be worsen. Any mummy has this experienced before ?

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Your elder daughter used to enjoy 100% full undivided attention from Mummy and Daddy for 3 years. But now, she has to share the attention with a baby who requires a lot more attention. She is probably feeling hurt and lonely and having a hard time adjusting to the situation which explains why she refuses to touch / share / play with her little sister. As much as you tell her you love her, actions speak louder than words! Hug her more, show her more attention, attend to her needs first so that she feels more secure and loved. She must feel understood and acknowledged by Mummy and Daddy. See if you or your husband can have a routine of spending time with her one on one on a daily basis. It will definitely get better but you need to be patient with her. Examples: Don’t tell her she is a big sister and need to love and take care of her sister. She is still a young child herself and requires a lot of love and care. When she suddenly have to wait for Mummy and Daddy’s help and attention all the time because of the baby, she will grow to dislike her sibling. It’s also natural for her to wonder if you would still be there for her when she really needs you. So tell her, “If you need Mummy, I will always come as soon as I can.” and try to play with her to connect with her, have fun and make her laugh during those moments. You can also try telling her that it’s normal to feel angry or jealous and acknowledge that it’s is hard for her and give her time to accept her sister. Don’t rush things too! As you connect and laugh with her, and acknowledge her feelings, her hurt and loneliness will begin to heal. Your love and patience will also help her to come to like her sister too.

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2y ago

thank you! You are right. i used to play with her everyday, and pay high attention on her . Now suddenly has all changed. I asked her to wait for me while giving baby to sleep/nap; playing half way with her then need to attend baby's crying; and always ask her play quietly as baby is sleeping. You are right! this required great patience. i think i should have spent more time with her no matter how tired, and be patient. .

Super Mum

My 2 girls also have about a 3 year age gap. I actually started preparing my elder daughter when I was 2 months pregnant, so right now the 2 girls love each other a lot (3.75 years, 5 months). I think it’s never too early to help your 2 children develop a good relationship, and it’s also not too late! When I first started, I placed a lot of emphasis on what this means for my elder daughter, so it was more like, “you’re going to be a big sister!” Or “You can do all these things because you’re going to be the big sister” (eg. You and mummy can share some chocolate cake together, but baby can’t.. because she’s so small!)... then gradually it moved to things like, “baby will put everything in her mouth because she doesn’t know she’s not supposed to. So you can protect her and tell her not to.” Or “baby doesn’t know how to do so many things (I would list specific things), but you’re SO good at them. Can you teach/show her?” I was very blessed that even before my 2nd LO was born, the elder sister already adored her. But there are times when she still wants undivided attention from me and feels neglected/jealous when I have to attend to her sister, so a lot of reminders still need to be given sometimes. But they’ve definitely been playing together and I let my elder daughter talk a lot about what she wants to do with her younger sister. Hope your children grow closer soon:)

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2y ago

thank you for your advise! how i hope she can adore her sister. I started to prepare since i was 2 months pregnant too. But, when my tummy getting bigger, she started to say she doesn't want baby sister to come out. 😅 don't know how much time she needs, just hope don't turn out she dislike her sister.

My parents told me I used to hate my youngest cousin which is like a sibling to me (and also, I was the youngest grandchild before my cousin pop out, so I like the attention the adults gave me), and everytime my aunt visit my house or my parents visit her house, I won't let my parents touch or carry her, and whenever I saw them carry her, I got super jealous and screamed! I don't even like her at all, let alone play with her, and I always left her out when it comes to playtime with my elder sis and 2 elder cousins (my youngest cousin's siblings) because well, she's still young and people are giving her lotsa attention. Then gradually over time, I just got used to her presence when I grow up and love her unconditionally no matter what the circumstances til now 🤣😅 me and her are 4 years difference fyi and I love her like a sister.

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Super Mum

Overtime they will love each other. Occasionally when they grow up sure bound to fight or disagree. It's normal

Hey, I would say give her little time as she is yet getting used to having a sibling in house. It will be fine soon :)

2y ago

thanks! hope will be fine soon. seems like 6 months time is not enough for her to change her mind.

She will show affection to her little sister as time passes. Just need to give her some time first

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3y ago

thanks thanks. I will try it. haha

Give her some time..