Dealing with in laws

Have any one of you find it so irritated when you wish and want to spend time with you LO by bringing them out tgt to meet friends and have a meal but always feel like you have to seek your in laws permission and they will keep asking you where u go and what time come back? How would you all deal like this? I have enough of them and currently I am staying with them too!!!!! #needtorant

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Super Mum

For starters, your LO is yours. Haha. Seriously.. there’s no need to ask for permission. Informing them is fine. But it’s not a question, it’s a statement. “Hi mum, baby and I are going out. See you later!” If they ask further questions, You can say that you’ll message them when the details are confirmed. This helps you respect them by keeping them informed, but also gives you control to decide when to inform them, so you’re not so stressed out about it. If your husband can’t be the mediator, then leave him out of it. Just be respectful by replying politely, but you can be in full control of your decisions. You don’t even need to inform them that you’re buying something for your LO 😂. Just buy it, put it on your LO, and let your LO model the outfit so your in laws can comment how cute baby looks 😁. Also, if you and your husband are saving up, may be time to start planning to move out. I respect and care for my in laws a lot, but I was really happy the day I moved into my own place (after almost 3 years) 😂. The independence is great.. and we still honoured them by spending time with them regularly.. but a lot of the stress I faced while staying with them was gone.

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VIP Member

My family or in laws do not really need us to "report" where we go with going out and coming back time, especially since we don't stay with them. I guess it's different when staying with parents or parents in law since you are part of the household. I feel it would be appropriate to tell them a rough outline of where u r going esp if they need to make arrangements for meal times or plan their own schedules, within limits of course. Even my own mum will sometimes ask where we go/bring the kids even though we live separately, e.g. on weekends when we go over for dinner, they have to know whether we ate coming over and will casually ask where else we are going. However, if u feel they are hemming in your freedom, do talk to your husband to discuss and ask him to talk to his parents, may be easier than DIL talking to parents in law.

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2y ago

My hub isn’t very supportive also. So abut difficult. Feels like being at my own home is better. But I just don’t feel warm staying with them

VIP Member

Dont give them the space, tell them it's your child and you can bring anywhere as long your husband knows where are you and your safe it's fine. I questioned why I booked tickets without asking my in laws I told my mil the same thing I don't have to ask permission to plan hoilday with my husband and it's not a family trip. Its actually babymoon. I just dont bother my husband is afraid of hurting them. But I nailed my rights. And he just going with the flow. Your the mum and you deserve to have more rights one your baby than grandparents. As for myself I'll be firm on this too. I already told my husband too. We decide for our baby no need to consider everything they say unless you both agree.

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Hi , I don’t understand why they need to question you unless you are going out without your child . Maybe they are trying to ‘manage’ you while your husband is not at home ? LOl I believe it’s the old mindset and mentality . Tell them you are not from their generation and it’s your child not theirs . Draw the line clear and be firm no matter what . You might wana talk to your husband and if he’s not supportive I think there might be some mis communication or something that happened just that you didn’t know . Just remember communication is they key and staying with in laws is always challenging . Hang in there !

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2y ago

Exactly, I find it funny too as my own parents dun control me that much. They think I will listen to them but apparently not... more over this is the best time they can rest while i am out with my LO .... but when I didn’t bring my lo along they will think like why I am not responsible for my child. I really don’t know what are they thinking.....

I read that your husband is not supportive. I suggest you jz go out as you wish, without informing your in laws. Jz ignore. But of course you inform your husband. Seriously, you dont need your in laws' permission to go anywhr. Jz say "i'm TELLING you, not ASKING YOU" if they ask whr you're gg. Your baby is yours, not theirs.

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Maybe just let them know since you're living under one roof. They may need to know to determine whether need to cook your meals. Imagine they just assume you won't be back for dinner and didn't cook or buy your share you will be more pissed.

U are staying with them so no choice have to suck it up. just tell them kindly when you will be back. No need to seek their permission. U are the child's Mother.

Bring the in law along for 1 time. Show them how you treat your little one. Once in law get used to it, they will automatically let go.

Super Mum

See, everyone has their own space, you too have. So ask your LO about your concern with politely. He will definitely listen to you.

i understand how you feel!! my mil is the same. she is controlling n demands i listen to her all the time. she also keeps taking my baby

2y ago

Yes! Are you staying with them. I find it irritating when they do so. More over I want to buy the best thing for my baby eg; new nice clothing she will keep saying dun but waste money etc... but its my freaking money!!!