In-laws

Does anyone have issues with parents-in-law? My LO (currently 5 months old) is taken care by my MIL when me and hubby is at work. My MIL used to be a babysitter so she’s quite good at babies. However, she got her own set of pantangs and way of educating the child, which is very different from me. I don’t believe in pantangs at all. She doesn’t believe in what We say when we explain to her. For example, there was once baby did not poo for a week, she got so ganchiong and kept calling over the weekend telling us to try this try that. We already explained to her nicely that this is normal for BF babies but her mindset is stuck with need to poo Everyday blablabla. This is just one example. Another example is, she kept saying baby should start on solids now. Me and my husband’s take is to follow baby’s cues, we don’t have a definite to start solids at 4 months or 6 months. We did try a little puree but feel that baby is not yet ready for it. But MIL keep saying that should start alr. So irritating? Sometimes, this really irritates me and I want to send my baby to infant care instead. Is like, why must I explain what I’m doing to her and why she keep giving suggestions that I don’t want to hear. I have my own style in doing things and parenting. But my hubby refuses as infant care is expensive and he thinks it’ll be better for baby to be under grandma’s care. I do agree with him but I think it’s only for my sanity. ? Does anyone has similar experience?

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Bb is 6 months old soon.. im a guy and staying with parent in laws till my own place is ready. Actually doesn't matter which side, i personally felt we need to be more understanding, initially i was very pissed by all the pantang and superstitions from in laws and my parent (im from single parent family) , after more months as a father, i start to feel more like a parent, gradually able to understanding why parent and in laws do what they do.. even my wife also disagree with her own parents sometimes. Even my parent and in laws also got into disagreements.. omg! But all is well. At the end of the day, all of them meant well and wanting to do their best for their grandchild. Now whenever i feel angry over what they do, i will tell myself, next time I'll be like them, my bb will think like i do now, but actually mean no harm jus different experience of doing things. And try to think from their point of view.

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Same here. Mine is full of criticism over every single tiny thing I do. My lo is 5 months also and insist I let her give whatever food she want. The thing is, is not about her eh. It’s about my child. If she is not ready means not ready mah? Rush for what? Keep comparing she take care of other grandkids also but not all babies is same mah. V annoying I fight with my hubby so many times cause his mother mah. But still, is my child. I say no means no. I told her she’s a mother herself and has her own ways of doing things, so please don’t interfere with mine. Then until now don’t want to talk to me and her daughters are being sarcastic towards me. Don’t care, do what’s best for you child. There’s a lot of subsidies or maybe just give her ultimatum, either take care how u want it or u send it to someone who can.

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1y ago

Me too... Feel you, MIL also omg my LO is only 5mons old give gardenia bread 😔 i saw my daughter almost choke because the bread stuck on her mouth i run and take it give so big piece of bread 😔 after dat i never let my daughter left to my MIL...

I never allowed my MIL to take care of my baby, and she fully understand it. Even milk we will prepare nicely and pass to her when we went back to visit. I didn't stay w her after I gave birth and only moved back when baby started to go ifc. Reason being, I do not want baby to imitate any unwanted behaviour. However, as my mom used to work as nanny and had also taken care of my niece and nephew till now, she believes in her ways. But being the stubborn me, she did not try anything without consulting me first. (I am not the type who will just let things go). I had discussed w my husband before and my mindset of not letting MIL to take care (but I phrase it in a nicer way). End of the day, the baby is mine, even my husband had to respect my decision (as I am the one who went through all the pain during labour, not him).

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infant care has subsidies and i think it can be quite affordable if the two of you can afford. partly its coz the kid can get to expose to different surroundings and teachings. it will help in their growth. my inlaws wanted to help us to look after initially, suggesting we send to them on weekdays, bring back on Friday night to look after then Sunday night back to them. But I didnt want to because I will only be seeing my kid for that 2 days only and I am also afraid the way they teach and all will be different so I rather pay to put in IFC. older ppl will have their way of doing things and thinking coz the way they brought us up is like that and nothin happen too. so for me, to prevent conflicts, arguments and all, best is settle myself and send to school. at least i no need to bother abt others coz i decide for my own kod

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This is a common issues I guess. Before I gave birth, I already discussed with my hub that I will not give my daughter to my in law to look after due to following reasons: - they are already old, no energy to look after - fil will not help, so responsibility falls onto mil - grandparents will give in to their grandchildren n ends up over pampered - different parenting styles, cmf hv conflict - ifc can learn more things, not just slp n poop During pregnant time, my mil made comments like - wear cloth diaper n ask nanny to wash. Aft nanny go off, change to disposal diapers (does it makes any diff by wearing cloth diaper for a mth?) - recycle the disposable diaper if it’s just wet - cut the teat so baby can drink faster (baby rushing off to somewhere? Y must let her drink fast?)

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As my colleagues that dont have mother in law to take care for her, she actually envy over those that have mil to take care. She has to send her daughter to infant care till childcare centre, and after work, quickly dash to pick up her child again. Another collague said she can feel her baby is not happy when she gonna send him to infant care every morning before going for work. The expression and response is diff. So she also wish if got someone to help her take care than send to infant care. For ur case, i feel ur husband shd be the middle man. Cos mother always listen to the son than daughter in law. Another thing is, u may just listen and then say doctor do not recommend/hubby said blah blah blah ....... Everything also push to ur hubby and doctor.

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3y ago

Thank you.. I always use “doctor” in front of her.. but sometimes she really can’t get over her own experiences as a babysitter :( different babies are different but she keep saying things like “should be like that”, “should not be like that”. Sighs

My in laws (especially my MIL) are somewhat like that only that she die die ask me to give my baby nestum at 3mnths just so he will be a rly fat baby. she say its cute tht babies are fat. its true fat babies are cute but my baby was already overweight for a 3mnth old. when i firmly rejected it, she says im being ignorant as a first time mom just because she used to do that to her kids. i firmly told her that my baby is already overweight and i dont want him to get heavier as im the only one taking care of him and i dont want to follow her say. and also, i hate it when she compares my baby with other ppl’s babies. so what i’ll do is, just tell my husb to tell her & just act as if you hear ntg from her.

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Bcoz these old ppl think they eat salt more den we eat rice! As they have raise their children up and they are so big now.. And they only believe they are always rite. But they dont know that their salt have long expired!! I also having issue with my inlaws bcoz of this covid19. They say i am selfish for not letting my son visit them. They themselves are the selfish 1 that put my son's life at risk! As an adult, parent and grandparents they should encourage their children n grandchildren not to go out. But they are not. These stubborn old ppl brain are full of expired salt.. haix...

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9mo ago

My in laws encouraged us not to go out but they are out almost everyday and visited us and even carried my baby without washing hands.

Get your hubby to tell her instead. Ur hubby needs to explain to her n get her to understand. Is the son n father job to be the middle person for such situation. I’m gg to be a mum soon.. n I stay with my in laws.. so during 2nd trim I keep telling my hubby what I’m doing during confinement n how I want baby to grow up under me. I also hinted my in laws.. keep repeating.. there are bound to be disagreements but if the disagreements are slight we try to let it go.. but if it goes really bad.. I tell my hubby off the baby go to infant care.. because I don’t Wan to sour relationship between son n parents.. if u can respect me then the poor baby needs to go infant care..

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i would suggest infant care too.. cos my baby was taken care by my mil she didnt even want to listen to what i said. my aunt have told me not to do things like eg cooked baby's meal one shot at a goal for lunch and dinner as this will cos him to have bloated tummy.. she even placed half of the portion in the fridge to recooked it when it is dinner time. i told her what my aunt said she say there is no such things and asked me don't listened to what my aunt said. i feel like ........ its v difficult to live with her as well.. whatever i cooked for my baby she def will have many comments... and i am the mum! i know how to handle my kids lo

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