How to forgive a husband who visited prostitution?

It didn't occur to me that it would happen to me but it did. I’ll try to summarise as much as I could else it’ll turn this into a novel. For almost 10 years we’ve been together, he had been nothing but faithful until this year. He is a respectable man and doted on me. However, after our first child, we starting growing apart. I spent all my energy on our child but we still had sex regularly until our child co-sleep with us. That was the beginning of the end. I got pregnant again quite unexpectedly, we wanted to wait another year initially. Being pregnant and taking full-time care of a toddler made me physically exhausted by the end of the day and caused my sex drive to be on an all-time low. Subsequently, we started to communicate lesser because I felt like he couldn't understand my sacrifices and vice-versa. We only spoke when necessary else we’ll quarrel and I tried to give him sex 1-2 a month but he stopped demanding for it after a while. I did ask him before why isn't he asking for sex (before I found out) and he just casually said it's because I didn't feel like it and didn't want to pressure me into giving. Soon enough, I reached the 7th month of my pregnancy and that was when I found out he went behind my back to visit prostitution. My whole world honestly collapsed and the trust that was there for all these years gone in an instant. He was the last man I believed would ever do that to me but I was wrong. He came clean. He answered everything that I asked on the spot and begged me not to leave him. He admitted he visited the brothel a total of three times and the first time he visited was when I was 2-3 months into pregnancy. He cried and told me there was no excuse for what he did, he just fucked up. He also told me he planned to go once more before I deliver the child and wasn't expecting me to find out. (too honest?) I talked to him a bit more while I was crying nonstop, he claims his friends some attached some married also did the same and they make it sound like it's socially acceptable to do it. It was really daunting because all these while, I never thought we had a problem in our marriage. After the incident, we ironically became closer than before. We communicated more, voluntarily spending more time with each other and became more transparent about our feelings towards each other. He also made his location known to me by letting me track him on the ”find my friends” app so I can feel more at ease but I try not to look at it much else it makes me feel like I'm crazy. However, the wound is still very fresh and I often wonder if I should ever trust him again? Until now, I haven't told him I forgive him but I will strive in that path of forgiving. I hope no mummies here ever have to experience this kind of a pain but if there is, I would be very glad to hear your advice, opinion, and story about it. ??

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People would tell you to leave him, but how easy would it be for you when you have loved and trusted this man for 10 years? How easy would it be for you to be a single mom to a toddler and soon, a newborn. Talk is cheap, people can easily tell you they will not forgive and move on. But have they been through this? They have not experienced the pain that you did and thus, it is easy for them to say with a logical mind to leave him cos he cheated. The strength it takes to leave the person you love so much, is even greater than the strength it takes to hold onto the marriage. There are only 2 options, clearly: 1) Leave him and try to pick up your life yourself, hopefully with the support of your family and friends. Try not to think of him and the past. It will be easier to move on if your love to him turns into hatred for what he had done. However, life will be tough. You have relied on him for 10 years, and it will just be on you alone, supporting your kids. You are the one whose going to feel guilty for your kids not having a complete family, even though he should be the one feeling guilty, he won’t. You loved him for 10 years, it may take another 10 years to stop loving and thinking of him. You will never be able to cut off complete ties with him, cos you have 2 kids. And you will still see him, do you think you can stop loving him cos you still will be seeing him due to the children? 2) Forgive him. Try not to think of the past, but I know you will never trust him like you did. It was 10 years of trust, how long would it take to be built up again? Even if you forgive, you will never forget. You will always live in fear and suspicion. Things will never be the same again. Even if on the surface, you both are closer now, the wound will always hurt for you. You will always be hurting randomly. No matter how happy you get, there will always be a scar. How long does it take for a scar to heal? Does he really care if you are hurt? Cos if he did, why would he even try to hurt you in the first place? Sometimes I don't understand how can men swear that they love their wives so much and yet still cheat. Cos they think if it's not exposed, it's not wrong since it's not gonna hurt? Where is the morals and integrity and that so-called deep love? I can't advise which option is better for you. Both would hurt, cos what he did already caused the consequences. Truth hurts.

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