How to forgive a husband who visited prostitution?

It didn't occur to me that it would happen to me but it did. I’ll try to summarise as much as I could else it’ll turn this into a novel. For almost 10 years we’ve been together, he had been nothing but faithful until this year. He is a respectable man and doted on me. However, after our first child, we starting growing apart. I spent all my energy on our child but we still had sex regularly until our child co-sleep with us. That was the beginning of the end. I got pregnant again quite unexpectedly, we wanted to wait another year initially. Being pregnant and taking full-time care of a toddler made me physically exhausted by the end of the day and caused my sex drive to be on an all-time low. Subsequently, we started to communicate lesser because I felt like he couldn't understand my sacrifices and vice-versa. We only spoke when necessary else we’ll quarrel and I tried to give him sex 1-2 a month but he stopped demanding for it after a while. I did ask him before why isn't he asking for sex (before I found out) and he just casually said it's because I didn't feel like it and didn't want to pressure me into giving. Soon enough, I reached the 7th month of my pregnancy and that was when I found out he went behind my back to visit prostitution. My whole world honestly collapsed and the trust that was there for all these years gone in an instant. He was the last man I believed would ever do that to me but I was wrong. He came clean. He answered everything that I asked on the spot and begged me not to leave him. He admitted he visited the brothel a total of three times and the first time he visited was when I was 2-3 months into pregnancy. He cried and told me there was no excuse for what he did, he just fucked up. He also told me he planned to go once more before I deliver the child and wasn't expecting me to find out. (too honest?) I talked to him a bit more while I was crying nonstop, he claims his friends some attached some married also did the same and they make it sound like it's socially acceptable to do it. It was really daunting because all these while, I never thought we had a problem in our marriage. After the incident, we ironically became closer than before. We communicated more, voluntarily spending more time with each other and became more transparent about our feelings towards each other. He also made his location known to me by letting me track him on the ”find my friends” app so I can feel more at ease but I try not to look at it much else it makes me feel like I'm crazy. However, the wound is still very fresh and I often wonder if I should ever trust him again? Until now, I haven't told him I forgive him but I will strive in that path of forgiving. I hope no mummies here ever have to experience this kind of a pain but if there is, I would be very glad to hear your advice, opinion, and story about it. ??

36 Replies
 profile icon
Write a reply

But now that u know he did with prostitute before, how can you get sexually aroused again with what he has committed before? The same dick that went in the mouths and hole of another. Chances are that the prostitute would have provided a more porn like and satisfying transactional experience. Every subsequent sex experience with him would have so many flashbacks and taunting. How do u mummies cope with that? Or you have mentality to be “better” than the prostitute?

Read more

Wow, u have a baby and another coming PLUS another grown a** baby to take care of. You shouldn’t even need to track him or whatever he’s not a child. You have ENOUGH on your plate. If I were you, I rather not have a man-child in my life who can’t even control himself. But it’s your choice and it’s your life and goodluck mummy. I hope God gives you all the strength to go through all of these. If you ever need to talk to someone, please get help as soon as possible.

Read more

This is certainly not something you wish on yourself nor on others. The wound is still fresh and cannot be forced to heal. I would recommend to seek the help of a marriage/relationship counsellor as this issue runs very deep and affects your life, your kids life and your husband’s life. It is such a major development in your life and can’t be swept under the rug Nor managed from just your end. Good luck

Read more

There are things we never expect, even with the best partner out there, that you think they could do no wrong. but it seems like your hubby really cherishes you with the fact that he tries to be honest and give you assurance even after the whole incident. honestly you could have walked away but you are still in consideration, which means it still holds importance. Jiayou from here on! 💪🏼

Read more

Hello mummy I’m so sad to hear that, but your a great mother for your children, to be able to tolerate and stay because of them and yes because they need a father and that is sacrificial, but like what was mentioned previously I don’t think your able to get intimate with him after this?Because of what he did? I don’t know. If you still love him, maybe you guys can go for counselling?

Read more

My friend had the same experience and went through divorce with her husband. (I won't spoil the surprise of what happens later) She has written about her experience in a book that was just released last week called Rise Up,to give support to women with such experiences. I can get you in touch with her if you would like to get some advice.

Read more
Post reply image
Super Mum

Hugs to you!😢 This is too tough on you. I think better to go for couple counselling to seek help as it is really not easy to forgive and forget. I can tell that your husband is making a huge effort to mend this relationship and he still cares for you. All the best to you and I hope that you will truly forgive your husband 1 day.

Read more

:( stay strong mummy. This is really sad. I couldnt imagine if it were to happened to me. But all in all, you need time to heal.. its not easy but somehow it shows that he still cares for his family n regret his past actions. Take time and heal yourself. I wish you the best of luck for ur family 💗

Because you found out about it and now he's treating you nicely etc maybe out of guilt? We can't say for sure but it's good to observe for awhile whether or not he really repent. As for forgiveness it's really up to whether you can bring yourself to do it. Take good care of yourself!

You think of forgive? If me I really don't know what to do. I will never forget. To me he can no need to be a good husband I will be cold to him but he must be a good father. Will keep a distance with him anything only talk about children.