15 Replies
Hi mummy, First of all big hug for you! Not easy at all. I can share with you that I had the same experience but with my confinement lady. My little one is 3 months old now. I had my confinement lady for 2 months and during that period, my little one will scream and cry frequently when I try to care for her. When the CL carries her, she is however calm and happy. She seems happier also when my hubby carries her. I was so discouraged that I was frequently in tears. By the second month, I told myself to learn or observe for tips. For CLs not all of them are willing to share with you their little tips to care. What I did then was I observed what the CL did to the point of how she sounds when she soothe the baby and exact postures of carrying. I am tell you today after 1 month or caring for my baby alone, even this clueless mum is getting a lot of smiles and cooing. Jiayou mummy! You are not alone in this! It will get better. Do get lots of rest yourself too!
I also felt the same thing when my first baby was born. My mum carried baby more often then me, + I am EP mum so I naturally have lesser skin to skin. I confronted my mum when she always carry the baby away from me when baby is crying. I said that I need to learn to take care of baby even if she is crying. If my mum always takes the baby away, I will not be able to learn to soothe baby. After that, she give me chance to take care of baby. I think its important to communicate. I'm sure your MIL is not out there to purposely make u feel that you dont know how to take care of baby or lessen the connection between your baby and you. Its just that the older generation have a tendency to try to keep baby from crying so they think that they can stop and they will carry baby away from you when baby cry. If possible, try to have some chance to learn to soothe baby when she cry. It will improve your skill of taking care of babies.
The baby expert taught me that initially, baby may feel more secure with daddy carrying, because dads tend to hold the baby more firmly and tightly, giving them a sense of security, whereas we mums tend to be too gentle. Haha. So I guess it’s the same for your MIL. She carries baby with confidence. Since baby is new to you and soooo precious, you’re probably handling baby very gently. So don’t worry and be confident. Pat baby firmly with your hand cupped. Wrap baby in swaddles tightly. Hold baby close to you firmly. Your smell (babies love their mummy’s small) and your new confidence + firm holding/patting is the winning formula 🎉 Don’t be jealous, dear. The baby is yours:)
Initially maybe you will feel jealous now.. When the baby is slightly older and keep crying for nothing.. Thats when you wish your mother in law carry longer.. Cause it super Tiring when thier weight increase to more than 5kg onwards .. Get well tested if you can.. Don't bother about baby crying that u can't sooth them.. I get annoyed if my baby keep crying for hours everyday once she had Colic. I wish someone could do the carrying instead.. I need peace. And rest. And, ultimately it's your baby, when they grow even older they will still want mummy more than granny.
Is this your first baby? Lol I realise that newborn babies don't particularly care who carries them tbh. Mum or not. Sometimes they just want to be carried a certain way. I know my own carrying posture was stiff and probably uncomfortable as I literally didn't know how to carry newborn before that. And honestly babies are sometimes just weird like that. Even now, some days they'll stick like glue to me, other days they only want their Auntie (domestic helper). Don't take it to heart mama! They'll gradually grow to know you and the people in the family well. :)
Wow! You are blessed to have your MIL helping you take care of baby. I had to do everything on my own as my MIL is frail and my own mom is working. My advise is, be thankful for all that your MIL is doing right now. Use this time wisely to pick up on parenting tips from her, read self-help books and bond with baby. Don't dwell on negative thoughts and get stressed up. Baby will go through a few phases in the first year and the crying will be over soon. Our body is also going through hormonal changes and this too shall pass. Hope you'll feel better soon.
It's normal. When my mother and MIL hug our baby, she feel more comfortable. That's because our mother and MIL have more experience than us. Give yourself some months, slowly learn to communicate and carry baby. I also learn from ground zero to carry and care for our baby This requires time and daily effort, it doesn't happen overnight =)
I had the exact same experience. I was on the perk of getting depression from it. It was my first child, partially i'm inexperience. Now my LO is 2.5months old and everything is getting better. I try to do more things on my own for baby like spending more time carrying, feeding and talking instead of my MIL.
i have the same issue. In fact, in my case everyone else can soothe him, except for me. My hubby, helper, parents etc. My boy is now going 3 months old and this is still happenning. While i am sad too, i really cant comprehend why. I just keep trying lo.
it used to happen to me too, but my newborn was sticky to my mum..not ML. but my mum was the main caregiver while i was having my confinement...so although it feels sad that baby is not looking for me...i think its normal