Others handle baby more than his mother

I feel useless. I went thru csect on sept and still in pain. Altho i can still get up, walk etc, my lower tummy is still very much sore. Since the start most of the time, my husband is the one that would need to handle baby, especially when he cry. Or my mum or in law would help. I feel kind of useless that im not doing anything to help even when its my own baby? I feel like im slacking and lazy. Altho i have just finished my confinement. I feel bad for my husband too. Am i normal. Is there such household where its not the mother that handles baby the most. My baby is on full formula. What sucks more is i cannot console my baby when he’s crying, like he’ll cry uncontrollably then others would need to take over then he’ll calm down, to the point whenever others hear baby cry when im holding, theyll say to pass the baby to them they’ll soothe him. I feel like my baby also doesn’t like me.I feel like im pushing my responsibility to them.

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I gave birth in Aug by emergency csect. I had the same feeling as you! My recovery was rough and because of the wound there were many things I couldn’t do including carrying the baby etc. what’s worse is I am breastfeeding. So I regularly pump and have to wake up in the middle of the night to pump as well. I felt my entire days were spent pumping and pumping I didn’t even have time to spend with my baby at all. I had a confinement nanny and support from my mum and my helper. The first month I felt really bad because I didn’t get to take care of my baby much and when I couldn’t even learn to bathe my baby (had to bend over) I cried. I felt really useless as there were so much I couldn’t do for him. I felt like I was the least closest to my baby as compared to everyone else. But looking back now, I know I was really only going through my emotions. I didn’t regret focusing on my own recovery. I am happy I listened to my body and didn’t push it. You have to look at it another way, your mum and mil are helping you so you can focus on recovering. Take good care of your body and let your wound heal well before you can take good care of your baby. Now that I am 2 months PP I am slowly getting to spend more (alone) time with my baby and I am really happy where I am now. Know that you will have a lot a lot a lot of time to spend with your baby later so you really gotta focus on yourself especially your well-being now that you still got support from people around you. Nobody thinks you’re lazy. We are the ones that put that thought in our own heads. 2 months on my wound is still sometimes sore and sensitive but trust me when I say it will get better and it is definitely not the same as when I first got out of confinement. It will get better! I wish you the best.

Don't feel dejected. Maybe u can observe how your husband and mil soothe your son. Then the next time when ur son try to soothe your son again using their method.If really cannot then pass to them to help coz if cry too long they will taking in alot of air. Is not easy being a first time mum. The learning curve is very steep. Don't take it too hard to yourself. Think it this way,at least u got your mil and husband to help. Some of the first mum don't even have anyone to help and was left to be a stressful mode to learn to cope with their newborn. Maybe u can talk to baby and interact with him more and probably things will get better. Jia You!You can do it!

Hi mummy! Csect is a major op, i always remind myself that. Furthermore youre still feeling pain at your wound. I'd agree with what the other comments were, that we first time mummies tend to be more harsh on ourselves, think a lot, worry a lot... i rmb i was practically crying everyday for a period cause i too felt like i wasnt close to my baby and I dont know how to take care of her properly/well. But ultimately, we gave birth to them, we naturally will know how to take care, protect them the way we want eventually. For now, just spend some play time with your little one and recover well so you can get more hands on soon! Take care!

dont feel this way... i going thru similar situations as u just that my child is now a toodler.. i also at times feel same as u because whenever my toodler dad scold him scare he knows but when i learn his dad way try to be a little strict he doesnt want listen but he listen to his dad. when i ask him to call mama he purposely keep saying baba and only a few times like once a blue moon i heard him calling mama only but he very clingy to me instead of his dad. i also sometimes feel same useless coz he doeant want to listen to what i say nobody hoe strict am i or firm to him

you just finished your confinement, give yourself time to “catch up” I felt the same way you do. I watched and learnt how my husband and my mom handle our baby. Lots and lots of practice and I eventually became “competent”. I rmb how thrilled I was when I managed to soothe my baby to sleep for the first time, all by myself. With time and dedication, you will too.

please don't feel useless and be so harsh on yourself. I was in similar situation as you too, thinking baby didnt like me as she always cried when I carried her initially. but don't worry about it, baby will naturally be closer you, just focus on recovering on your csec wound for now first. jiayou mummy!

Well my hubby handles my toddler more than i do. Frm birth till now he does more than me. U r not useless.

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