Rs with husband salty after having baby

I’m also at 4 months postpartum and I noticed I do start to get easily triggered with my husband and we argue more - when he naps after he comes back from work, when he plan outings with his friends on his off days, when he uses phone instead of offering to help take over baby’s care. I realised I’m more sensitive and notices all his “wrongs” more because I am overstimulated and burnt out. Actually he did play with our baby, he did plan family outings as well, he did ask me how was my day at home. Just that I magnify his “wrongs” and forget about the things that he did. We had many nights of talks before things start to get better. First, I told him how I felt unloved and under appreciated, that I fear our relationship will change. Then I told him how I feel overstimulated and burnt out, and acknowledged that I am overly magnifying the things he do that triggers me. He also shared his feelings of when I expect him to do certain things but he felt that he always doesn’t meet my expectations. We communicated and realised we both felt under appreciated and unloved. Oh yes, we talked while holding hands, it really helped bring us closer and allow us to talk without pride. Second, I think husbands are mostly woodblocks. They really can’t read our minds and need to be told what to do. I told him what I want him to do more as a father and what I wish we can do more as a couple. He agreed and he has been following through. When he does these things, then I will acknowledge and appreciate him for trying. He feels loved from this too and it encourages him to keep doing it. Third, we hired a helper. It helped so much when we don’t have to worry about housework and cooking. We just have to focus on spending time as a family, caring for our baby and with the extra time, spending time as a couple again. Fourth, know that you are not alone and it’s normal to feel heartbroken that your dream baby is here but your marriage seems to be changing. Things will get better if you both genuinely want to work things out in your marriage. It takes intentionality and work to love each other again. It’s normal that marriage will change with kids but think of it as a season and challenge that will grow you both even deeper and stronger in your marriage. Jiayou! I hope that things get better for you both 🙆🏻‍♀️

It gets worse. My LO is 2, we stopped having intimacy for close to 2 years (started since during pregnancy) because we are all tired and no mood. Even thou we started having some bed couple time, it’s like once every 2-3 months or even longer? We quarrel almost every 2 days and it’s worse when we go out together. It peaks within the first 1&1/2 years. Talking to my husband is like talking to a wall, he doesn’t respond or he will try to victim play, go one round and it becomes my fault. Me on the other hand cannot stand his way, so I go head front. Talking does not work out for both of us, so we just forget it and sleep. Next day as long as both parties don’t bring it up, we act all normal. I don’t know what to advise you but for me, i just stopped expecting, live day by day. You treat me good, I treat you good. Who don’t want to have a good day, especially when end of the day all of us pretty much have no energy left.

Hang in there. It will get better. At least for me. I had almost the same problem, but instead of infant care I hired a helper before I went back to work when my 1st born was 6 months old. I had to do everything for the 6 months too. Then he started playgroup. Housework, washing of bottles, blah blah all the helper do. So much better. When you have to breastfeed, pump and wash the bottles. It's hell. But I appreciate my hubby for doing the rest of the housework. Now I'm pregnant with my daughter and my boy is coming to 4yo. My sweet boy just recently said to me "I give you all my love". That just melts away all the unhappiness and fatigue. My boy hugs and kisses me more than my hubby. 🤣 It's not easy for mummies.. but it is worth it ☺️I hope this makes you feel better. Try to think of the good things instead.

I feel that too. I miss the childless days when our rs was so so good. I don’t blame my baby. I don’t know. I cried and had many silent screams. I lower my expectations towards him. I voice out when he is in a better mood. And with me getting more and more on hands with baby, I feel better. You may feel better when baby is older as it will be less tiring. Best of luck to the both of us.

On the point on cuddling, hugs and holding hands, we have long stopped doing that for very long. After my 2nd one, i feel we argue much more (my sis tries to help out at times hoping we dun fight). I grumble over the smallest ting (freaking tired coz i am pumping 8 times every day now) but i tried to keep myself sane. Dun feel lonely! Im sure there are people who are worse out there.

hmmmm i don't rly understand, if you are not able to bring up/share your feelings as it will always end up as a fight, it means neither of you are willing to put down their ego. is either you suck it in to prevent a fight, or u say it out, fight it out and make your feelings known. hugs babe. i hope you can stop feeling negative especially after all the hardwork you've been through.

Will it be possible to start by giving him a compliment / appreciation of doing something even the smallest thing. Like thanks for helping me feed baby or helping me take the milk bottle just now… within the same day he might reciprocate if not just follow up with ‘can I have a hug?’ It’s been a while. Think a 10-15 sec hug will be effective. Just my thoughts hope it helps

I have the same situation. My daughter this year 4 year old~ After since my daughter was born he never do a part of dad job. I being fighting with him~ alway have the mindset divorce with him. I’m not sure I’m jealous and sensitive not~ he told me his insurance agent call everyone baby~ how will you feel if 1 lady call ur husband baby~ haiz

please consider couple therapy.

cuba bincang dgn husband