11 Replies
It is very rare, extremely rare to have good relationship with the in-laws. Don’t completely believe what you see is a beautiful picture painted by others. You dont know if they hit it off from the beginning or had to go through alot to achieve that. I started my first year living with my in-laws thinking how nice it would be to have nice relationships with them. But 6yrs and a kid later, I am constantly thinking about moving out. That is not to say our relationship has soured to the point of no return; but I think our relationship would be alot better and less tense if we were not living together. When you are in close proximity, you can still maintain distance - physically and emotionally. But it becomes alot tougher and maybe impossible when a kid comes along. It is tough for your husband to be the middleman, so believe him when he prefers you keep a distance. It will be tough when u find yourself frustrated, negative, having to take it out on him and expecting him to do something effective.
I live with my in laws.. And ever since I gave birth there's just too much interference from my mil, and occasionally from my sil too when she comes over. I did try to keep an "acquaintance-only" relationship with them and be wary of what I say and do around them, don't over share, don't be over friendly, etc. But somehow after baby was born they feel entitled to say or do things on their own. And when this happens my husband finds it difficult to say things to my mil because we live together and have a decent relationship with each other. I think there must be a reason why your husband could be like that. Maybe he is just trying to prevent something like that from happening.. Once the relationship between you and mil has strengthened, when something sour happens, I think he wants to avoid having to be the middleman between you two. My husband keeps saying he's stressed playing the middleman and he doesn't know how to settle issues between my mil and I cos both of us are stubborn in our own ways.
I live with my in-laws, and to be honest, it does interfere A LOT with your life, lifestyle and relationship. My in-laws have their own idealogies and they are disapproving if I'm not following. Example, waking up early or eating no carbs etc. It gets tougher when my husband and I have a more heated discussion, and they'd always interfere and want to know what's going on. Usually their interference never helps with our discussion, and most of the time, they get angry too. What bothers me most is really that I don't get to eat what I want before and during pregancy. Snacking is prohibited and eating an ice bar infront of them makes them think I'm very unhealthy.. 😞 I think having distance from "outsiders" are best. We have our own lives to live. It's super tiring and bothersome to always consider other people's opinions.
Trust me, no matter how “nice” they look, please keep minimal contact. It looks nice from other pov but not all mil is nice. Even your husb alr warn. Trust me, when mil also start interfering, it will be HELL. Keep a distance. I avtually like how your husb is the one that dont want mil to interefere cause alot of prib always happen when mil interfere and husb can do nothing about it.
I am not close to my mother in law and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. She likes to blame me for everything and i got sick and tired of it. Also, she dont bother with her grandchild. hahaha! so It was a peace of my mind to put a line in between her. I only visit her once every 4-5 months. depends on my mood lol! else I wont even bother texting.
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Believe your husband. I live with in law, its the worst. Yes they look nice when i got married. After that is worst. Much much worst after having baby.
Pretty weird that you husband doesn't want u to be close to ur in laws. Perhaps u can suggest to meet often to see how are they?
I prefer to keep a distance. There’s a saying in Chinese that means distance creates wonders.
ur husband prob knows better & has his reasons we do not know of