How old is your elder?
like you mentioned, you have three kids.
it does get very overwhelming at times.
I am facing the same situation too but i try not to cane as caning them will make the situation worse in fact.
So i always tried to control myself and speak to him nicely.
If all else fail, i will tell him. you go cool down, once you are done screaming and shouting, you talk to me.
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