My mil dont know how to tc of my 4weeks old baby. And insist she wanted to take care..

She shower my baby like rojak.. Pull one of his hand up and make him stand. When he is just 4 weeks old.. My baby cry very loud.. My husband dont allow me to hire nanny.. Maid.. Or helper.. And insist that his mum can take care.. And even i show him the video of how his mum shower my baby. He said.. Wash a few time will be fine.

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Hi, I was in similar situation as you and I do understand it can be very stressful for the mum. Alot of ppl would say be appreciative to your mil, and that it is better than having no help. Yes, I do agree we need to be appreciative that our mil offers their help. However that is if their help is useful. But if their help is making things worse, making me feel even more worried for my LO, and making me even busier, then it became no help at all. All it does is just increase my stress level. Worse is bcoz it is our mil, so we are not suppose to correct them for things we do think is safe or right. So for mum whom keep saying be appreciative, pls understand that it is not that we are not appreciative, but rather, we do appreciate their help but their help is making us deel uncomfortable and at times I would feel more helpful if they do not offer their help. e.g., How would you feel if your mil keep feeding your lo below 6mths plain water, and when you seek help from others on how shld you stop or correct your mil and what you should do, but others just tell you to be appreciative of your mil? anyway, how i dealt with it was I would try to make my husband understand how or why some of my mil actions may be harmful to my lo. if he agrees, i would ask him to find an opportunity to tell my mil as my husband is in a better position to do that. if he does not agree and refused to tok to my mil, then i will just standby my mil and "help" her with my lo. so for example, i find that she is very rough while bathing my lo, anyhow grab (grabbing only one hand on the elbow instead of holding well under armpit) n sometimes my lo will almost slip into the water..when she help to bathe i wld join her, n help to hold my lo or peepare to catch my lo if she is abt to slip into the water. well, either she gets it, or she wld complain that im meddling etc..but for the sake of my lo, i just have to keep it and be strong. Sometimes, weekends I would just bring my lo back to my mum hse too. Well, jiayou and all the best!!

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2y ago

I totally agree with you! And respect for what you did! Help is only useful when it’s helpful. If not, it’s just additional stress

I tried talk to my husband. But he is very stubborn. Everything also cannot...his mum dont know how to drag timing or increase formula for baby.. Everything also dont know. And she wanna take care but she dont allow me to OT for work too late. And say that not always she can take care for me. I dont know what to do. I can hired nanny and pay myself. But i am scare of aftermath.. Because they want my son. As he is the only grandson..

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Ur so lucky to have a mil that wants to help you care for ur kid. I rather trust my child with my mil than maid or worst infant care. Your husband was brought up by his mum, perhaps we as new mums tend to be over protective. If u hv concerns speak to her directly. Always remember no outsider will take care of ur child like ur family members to them its just a job.

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U know ar. MIL or not, they were able to raise her children without help. Last time even worse, no internet. So I guess you gotta have faith in her? I learnt to give the trust and faith in them after sometime. But u know matters like bathing, they will always get me or my husband to do it.

2y ago

But what about increasing baby formula. She dont want to learn. And expect me to scoop separately for her.

If you are not sure about the way your MIL take care of your baby. you need to find solution. because baby's safety come first. I had that kind of issue and i talked with my husband openly and get it cleared

same situation but my mil knew she cannot cope. hired a helper and bring helper and baby to her house. make sure helper is experienced and likes baby. this helps

send IFC better. the teachers are well trained to handle babies. most CC got cameras also and you can always talk to the teachers your expectations and etc

Communicate with ur hubby... talk to him tell him about ur concern.. if really need be talk to ur parents to get help too

Hi, I understand your concern. Perhaps try speaking with your husband on this so that he can talk to his mother on this ?

2y ago

He wanna wait till the baby hand got injured den think it’s not ok izzit? Why don’t you try to shower the son before your mil does it? Maybe can say your son poonami or just find excuse to do it before her.

Hang in there! It is difficult. U can consider communicating with your husband and raise ur concerns?