Hi mama,
My heart goes out to you…kudos to you for being so strong and persisting with your breastfeeding journey.
If I may suggest, try to latch directly for the time being and if you do pump, pump and store. As a mama here has mentioned, your baby’s tummy and digestive system may be adjusting to your breastmilk at present. Also, when bottle feeding, baby tends to get a lot more milk then they need because the flow of the milk through a teat is much faster than when at the breast - hence there is a chance of over feeding.
Latching and having skin to skin contact (your bare skin on baby’s with no barrier or clothing separating the two of you) will not only help regulate and maintain a good breastmilk supply but also, form a strong breastfeeding bond + relationship between you and baby.
Drink lots (walk around with a tall water bottle), eat well, enjoy the breastfeeding moments while you bond. When you need some down time, put on a good Netflix show. Baby loves you for being his mama - he doesn’t need a perfect mum (there’s no such thing anyway :)
You’re not a bad mum - in fact I think you’re amazing and strong! You’ve got all of us rooting for you! Stay fabulous mama, you’ve got this!!! I believe in you!!!