Mummies pls advice me. I am relli veri depressed. I had a shortgun marriage. Kena pregnant before I marry hubby. I was thinking to abort or maybe have the baby but without him, but he convince me to get married cause he both love me and the baby. But the other day I was on his Facebook and I saw his message to his old fren where he say that I was pregnant, so marry me, bo pian. He say he actually want to oredi break up, but I got pregnant. So he just do the right thing. I am very hurt, because I never force him and he was the one kept bugging me to get married. I feel like just throw the divorce paper on his face. Any advice?

Although technically, mine is a shotgun marriage, my wife and I had planned to get married. Pregnancy just fast forward the marriage procedures. I can totally understand when he said 'bobian' and wants to break up. It feels like he chose you not out of love, but out of other factors, including responsibility. If you have the same concept of marriage as me, you agree that love is the foundation of marriage. You are right to feel insecure that the foundation seems missing. I can understand that you are very uncertain about how your marriage will turn out. You don't want to enter into a bad marriage. The truth about every marriage, including mine, is that there will be times neither one feel like loving each other. Sometimes I don't feel so loving, sometimes my wife don't feel so loving, sometimes both of us at same time. But I never forget my vows, in joy and sadness, she is my wife. I never forget that love is not just an emotion, it's a choice that I make every day. It is extremely painful to continue to love when you are already in pain. Those words of 'bobian' must be piercing you, causing your hurts. It is important during the heat of the moment to take a step back. Distance yourself from him for awhile. Stop the conflict and take pause. Recognise that you are hurt by telling yourself, 'yes, I am hurt.' Acknowledgement is the first step to healing your own emotional hurt. Then take comfort in something that you know brings joy. It may be food, or a walk in a park. If possible, find a married couple of at least 10 years, who are neutral in standing, whom you can confide in. You are vulnerable, don't be alone, be in the right kind of support group. Take time to remember that the vows you made is unconditional love. Love is a skill that need to be learnt, and yet impossible to master. When a couple learns to dance, they will step on each other's toes. I'm sure you would ask, will he reciprocate the same love you give? Maybe yes, maybe no. The hardest part is when it is not. When it doesn't, always remember to take a pause and find back your support group. Try to love again. It's an everyday choice you will have to make. From what you describe of your husband, a man who takes responsibility, a man who knows honour, a man who lives to the expectations of the society, a man who insisted on making his marriage vows to you, has a very good chance of being a good husband and father. As wife, learn to bring out that man in him. May God walk along with you as you walk, carry you as you stumble, and bless you always.