My Mother and i don't have a great relationship. Infact I would classify it as a toxic relationship. She's always been upset that I don't "obey" her and that I march to my own beat. She's a highly controlling and manipulative woman and does things to please others outside the family unit (Super Dr Jekyll N Hyde personality). The world adores her but I am not a huge fan. I feel she has been one of the most damaging influences in my life and I am grateful that I am no longer in her clutches. (We are very civil to each other, though). Anyway, ever since I had a child, my mother has been wanting to get close to her grandchild. I can see that she adores my child and wants to build a bond. However, I still keep her at arms length from my child as I am worried that she will do the same to my child. My Mother can't help but be toxic and manipulative. It's in her DNA. And no use talking to my mum about her behaviour as she is in complete denial to her behaviour, and will play the victim card, where I will come across as the big bully. I struggle with finding the right balance of how much exposure my child should have to her grandma. As I am currently letting her spend two days a month at my parents and my mother wants to spend much more time. Any advice for me?

Anonymous

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Sounds like a tricky situation to be in. How is her interaction with your child so far? Sometimes, I feel that grandparents behave differently when they are with their grandchildren as compared to when they are with their own children. Regardless, I personally feel that spending a few hours a week with the grandparents is unlikely that have any major negative impact on the child. Especially since you will be present during the visit and could explain to your child if required. Therefore, I would think that you can consider increasing the number of visits to once a week. I think, in general, it is still better if your child gets to know her grandmother. I feel that children who grew up with a healthy exposure to their grandparents are more compassionate and empathetic. But these are just my personal opinion, what matters most is really what you are comfortable with.

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Home Random Talk mother i dont have great relationship infact i classify toxic relationship always been upset that i dont obey that i march own beat highly controlling manipulative woman does things please others outside family unit super dr jekyll n hyde personality world adores but i not huge fan i feel has been most damaging influences in life i grateful that i longer in clutches very civil each other though anyway ever since i had child mother has be