Venting frustrations about my own mum

Before we had second child we discussed with my mum. She is supportive . She don’t stay with us but she will come daily to take my older daughter 2.5 years old to childcare nearby. In June 2021, I was around 12 weeks pregnant. I started looking for a maid. Mum says she prefer the maid who took care of my uncle(her brother before he passed away) . So we waited for her preferred maid as her contract was ending with previous employer. 2 months pass, no reply from that maid. So I started looking for a maid again. Then came my mum saying ohh. Our family is United, we can help to take care of the second child, just have a part time maid. She can come over to stay with us etc etc . We stay within 2 km from each other. 3 bus stop. We purposely got a resale flat near her. She said maids are not reliable, she dislike them, dislike unfamiliar faces etc . Then I tot ok, maybe don’t have a maid, I hire a nanny(locals, so culturally more similar to us and that will make my mum more comfortable) . And nannies are actually more expensive than a maid, plus I can have a part time maid. Then now, in oct. when I am due soon. (Thankfully I have a confinement nanny) I can sense my mum don’t want to move here to stay with us. I asked her a few times last few days, she avoided my topic. Until today I was gonna lose my temper, I ask her with all seriousness, is she going to move over. She start to say we should hire a maid, she don’t want to stay over. Freakkkks . I am so pissed off. I already told her lead time for a maid is 4-6 months. I started quarreling with her, then she avoided me and quickly left my home. I am being flew areoplane by my own mum again.... so I am going interview for a maid tmr morning. Everything done in a haste. And I am very sure after I have a maid, my mum will come my house to complain how untrustworthy maids are and how much I need her to watch over the maid. My relationship with my mum is never good since young. But I try to close one eye these days as we are still a family. She did this for my first born, fly areoplane and change mind last min causing me stress . I talked to her , my relatives talked to her, I tot she will get better this time round. But she is still doing the same thing. I am stressed , can’t sleep at 3am...

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Aiyo that is so frustrating. She's like the unreliable friend who is still respectfully included in the clique and events, but people have zero expectations of. Any plans have a provision just in case the friend pulls through. I think now you know she will not change and is not reliable, and can just proceed to exclude her from major plans, and "haha" anything she says. If she pulls through it is a bonus and an additional help. If she nags about the maid in future just blow her off. Good luck with getting your help, and don't stress too much! Focus just on the baby and housework that's essential, you can get tingkat service and weekly help too to tide over the period. Jiayou!

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Hugs. You’re already doing your best in the current given situation for your family and baby. It sucks to know that cannot depend on own family…just make it known the next time your mum complains abt the maid that she doesn’t have the rights to do so anymore. Even if she doesn’t heed this, you can still ignore her criticisms abt the maid.

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