My Mother and i don't have a great relationship. Infact I would classify it as a toxic relationship. She's always been upset that I don't "obey" her and that I march to my own beat. She's a highly controlling and manipulative woman and does things to please others outside the family unit (Super Dr Jekyll N Hyde personality). The world adores her but I am not a huge fan. I feel she has been one of the most damaging influences in my life and I am grateful that I am no longer in her clutches. (We are very civil to each other, though). Anyway, ever since I had a child, my mother has been wanting to get close to her grandchild. I can see that she adores my child and wants to build a bond. However, I still keep her at arms length from my child as I am worried that she will do the same to my child. My Mother can't help but be toxic and manipulative. It's in her DNA. And no use talking to my mum about her behaviour as she is in complete denial to her behaviour, and will play the victim card, where I will come across as the big bully. I struggle with finding the right balance of how much exposure my child should have to her grandma. As I am currently letting her spend two days a month at my parents and my mother wants to spend much more time. Any advice for me?

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You’ve mulled this yourself, and you are still struggling with letting your child spend time with your Mother. Trust that instinct. Don’t be sucked in by a manipulative family that has damaged your own mental health. How can a parent too toxic for adults, be safe for kids? Mum is pressuring you to spend time with your child? So what. You’re a mother too, one who knows the harm that highly controlling and manipulative people can do. Protect your cub. Be fierce.

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