4 Replies
it's never too late...if parents think it's late it's bcoz they have given up...and when it comes to kids... parents never give up...did they give up when each morsel they fed was being puked out or smeared on the wall??? no...bcoz they knew it was a phase... did they give up when the child took his first steps? no...just a phase... did they give up when child cried a lot when going to school?? no...phase!!! so behaviour change is also a phase. it's only as late as parents make it to be in their minds. practical advice...what to give!!! where there's love there's no practicality...love doesn't call for strategy...it's complete in itself. the reason the kid came back was not bcoz of practical advice...he came back bcoz he knows his family really loves him. ya...it's true that he will now have to work hard to gain their trust back. but he already took a step in that direction. in a family rules play a big role. so parents please set certain rules like what kind of friends he associates, what will he do now like studies, job, or his own ambition etc. parents need to understand that a rebel is a rebel only outside. inside hes screaming for attention, for some level of freedom. so while rules are necessary there should also be some amount of freedom and decision making that he should do. it can't be that just bcoz he caused problems once, so he's branded as a black sheep for life... parents have a heavier responsibility than the child to show by their behavior and speech that they trust him, love him N forgiven and forgotten his past I'll actions. if they keep reminding him of what he did and how he disgraced the family name and all that meaningless points, they will lose him for good this time. he will know the doors are closed. words are like 2edged swords that penetrate very deep into the heart and never come out nor do they heal. so use up building and encouraging words that will heal him of the guilt he too must be living in. help him see his purpose in life. teach him to accept setbacks as normal and move on. show him how much of value he is and this value is not in any way reduced by one setback. use healing words.... I'm sure there can be many things we need to do as each situation is different but where there is love...there's always victory.
What I think that it is never too late for any person to change his behaviour, and teenagers in this league of people stand the highest chance. For example, just think about yourself and you have a particular way of doing things and have set rules in life which you think are right. Then one day, imagine meeting a person who tells you to change your way. You obviously wouldn't. Because when someone tells you not to do something, you would want to do the same thing. It is human nature. Now, imagine the same person being your friend and talking to you calmly, logically to change your certain behaviour sighting the effects it is having on your personality and on others as well. Since, he is your friend you at least are going to listen to him rather than outrightly dissuading him, like you did to the previous guy. Also, because this friend is close to you, you will analyse what he said, and you will give him reasons for your behaviour. And if you otherwise is a mature person, you will see yourself in an unbiased way and you will realise that yes, these are really the things you need to work upon. And whether you become successful in it or not is another thing but you will at least work on it. Now, apply this to your teenage son or daughter. You first have to be a friend to your teenage children, so that they at least consider and listen to what you are saying. Here, you have an advantage over a friend, which is you are a parent who get to spend more time with your kid. So, you can have more and more talks, discussions with your kid. You need to respect the child's opinions as well and with right direction and logical talk and reasoning if you think there is some behavioural changes that need take place will happen. And in this process, do not become a preacher. Always have a two way flow of conversation.
i would say it is just the right time to create change, as the teen years are a time of changes in physical, mental, emotional as well as intellectual capacities. the teen years are one of the most adaptive years when your child can get most influenced, so it is only right that the changes come about now than late, when it will actually be too late.
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