16 Replies
I am also 22 this year and I also hate the idea of my MIL caring for my kid. I made sure she could only interact with my son minimally. As my son grew older, it got tiring for me but it is ok. Because now at 15 months old, I have finally let go a little and will get my MIL to watch my son in the evenings after his dinner, so I can shower. He will run after me and bang my toilet door to keep finding mama! Continue breastfeeding as that will establish the bond. My MIL is a very difficult person too. She knew I would not let her help so to prevent rejection from me, she decided to make living in her house very difficult for my husband and I. Demand for money every month etc. When clearly we are young parents and have a kid means we should by right need more $ for our expenses. But she just seems to want to make us suffer the hard way. Deprive us off happiness. She even went as far as stopping me from bringing my son to A&E with 41 degree fever. I straight away leave home with my son and stayed at my grandma house for 1 week+ because that was my last straw. She can scold me, whatever. But when it comes to my son, I draw the line there. If I took her advice and did not go to A&E. I believe my son might have had fits. As his condition required anti biotics, straight away reach A&E the PD at NUH rush out to see my son. Just picture the severity of the situation but my MIL didn’t see it. She thought I was trying to defy and undermine her control over us. Ridiculous how her side of the family is so fucking prideful when they are also financially poor 😂 My solemnisation fully paid by my husband, his family never gave a single cent when we married. So I believe that my husband married me. I didn’t marry into HIS family, so I don’t owe them anything! 👌🏻
Argh I know that kind of feeling of weakness. I can never put up with it. My mil cannot force me to do anything. I don’t argue with her I just “oh oh”, smile on surface and ignore later when it’s unreasonable. You have to be firm and take charge of your own life. Be strong girl. The most useful support is from your husband, tell him how you feel and remember no one should force you to do anything you don’t want in life. I used to feel hopeless when dealing with my mil but when I began to realized even if I leave my husband and stop dealing with her altogether I should be fine, then I started to take charge of everything. Be strong and be firm, you are the boss of your life and you are the mother of your baby. You have to be happy for both yourself and your baby and you don’t really need anyone else’s help to be happy other than your own. Love yourself and stop dealing with bullshit.
i know your feeling, when my first one was born, my mil come with a confinement nanny (friend of her) to help me. I feel a bit depress every morning when they know the baby has woke up, they will come in and take the baby away, then give it back to me when she's hungry, then took her away when the feeding is done. I feel like cow, only hv my baby when milking time. My hubby tells me they only want me to take a rest, but maybe they should ask if I need help or not instead of snatching her away that really pissed me off. And she kept saying I have a low supply, even if that's true, she should help me with healthy food, not keep telling about my low supply. Now for the 2nd one I really don't want them to come helping me if my condition is allowed. I think stress is worse than fatigue, I can manage to work harder with my healthy mind.
I too feel 'unhappy' when my mil do that. Especially when she 'takes' my baby away for a moment to either play or interact with him etc. Probably feeling overly attached? But I'm fine with my side of family doing what she did (not the barging in part though). So it might be because you're not happy moving there to stay with them in the first place. Try to take things slowly and maybe try to talk to your mil and see if this work out? Otherwise in the long term it'll only strain your relationship with your partner one way or another. Take care!
i hate the idea of my inlaws handling my kids as well. Its a day to day torment to wake up and feel shitty knowing this isnt your space. your privacy all is down the drain. My husband gets mad when i speak abt his parent but i just talk only after all im going through it and he better understand. His parents are cool but every now then theres some unsolicited advice. Have you made the talk about getting a flat or moving out?
I know is tough plus the hormones playing tricks on our emotions. Having go handle baby a new life and nee lifestyle. Staying with someone tjY is not your own biological family is tough, but u arr doing fine. And if need be u can try bringing baby back to your oarents hse afew days a week in the day to take a breather and come home in the evening. U can make it nicer just say that ur mil can rest when u go back to your own hse.
Guess it depend from family to family. It is good to have some help around the household when there's baby or children around. Different generation have different views. Maybe wanna close one eye to it. If in-laws are willing to help and chip in for baby sincerely, everything is fine. Sometimes, the older generation also want to have some face too. It can get very disturbed. But it does help in the long run😊 Take it slow😉
it could be the hormones, and also the stress of taking care of your little one that adds on to all these feelings. it's not healthy and good for anyone (yourself, MIL, hub, lo) if you bottle all these up. have a chat with your hub and see how you guys can work together towards a solution. hope you get over this soon. :)
It is a transiting phrase did you. Hang in there. It’s normal to feel with overwhelming emotions. Things will start setting in soon and you will feel better. Know that the little one will grow up and it will get better.
Try to talk to your husbands. It could be hormones but what's important is that you're in the best physical and emotional condition to care for your LO. Take care and hope you manage to resolve things