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Mentally and emotionally challenged

I’m about w8 - 9 into the pregnancy and I’m feeling horrible as a person. I feel guilty for being more worried than happy about this pregnancy though it is planned and what I wanted. It feels different from how I imagined I would feel and cope. I am self-employed and WFH most times. My MIL has been coming into the room (most times without knocking the door) asking me for my lunch preference which I usually turn down because I’ll get my lunch when I’m hungry, but my lunch time is too late for her. But yet, I can’t tell her off in a firm way because she gets sensitive and things will turn awkward. I also get told off for drinking fresh milk in the morning (at about 10-ish am) because it’s cold. I feel that she is imposing her way of life into me, which makes me angry because I feel that I am not respected this way. I can’t even tell her that she should knock onto the door before she comes in because “this is her house” as how she would respond. Strangely, she knocks whenever my hubby is home so my hubby can’t point it out to her since she knocks every time he is home. Just today, in front of my sister in law, she insisted that she wants to command my husband to order or cater lunch for me everyday because I turn her offer to buy food for me (I know she’s nice and I should be thankful that she offers to buy lunch for me but it gets stressful because this leads to her interfering what I eat and how much I eat and an endless list). I expressed that I do not require such services from her and my husband but she can’t seem to understand that this is crossing the line and making me very uncomfortable. My hub has try to communicate with her with regards to the eating concern by telling her that we are assured by the Dr that it is ok because my MS is bad and I puke after each meal. And since I really dislike food, Dr gave the green light to skip meals or eat lesser until I feel better. I also find myself frustrated or hurt or angry at things more and I wonder if it’s because of the fact that I’ve to stop my long term psychiatric medication due to the pregnancy. And at the end of each day, when I reflect upon my day, I feel that I seem to be the problem since I am the one being affected and seems like I’m the only common object among all upsetting incidents. Idk where this post is leading to, perhaps I’m just ranting. These days, I just feel the weeks are passing by too slow and I want to close myself up and interact as minimal.

Anonymous

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Hey, big hugs. I cannot imagine what you are going through. It does sound very frustrating. Tbh, i dont have the same experience with living with my MIL or a MIL being so imposing, but I get what you mean when you say about the worries over the happiness. Pregnancy does bring along a lot of anxiety. I don’t know how many times I’ve worried a day from day 1 that I found out I was pregnant till now when I’m already at 25 weeks. My pregnancy was planned too. I see it that it’s due to our concern and love for our baby that we worry and it’s something that cannot be taken off us. Which mummy wouldn’t have a single worry about their child? I don’t think that’s possible. So your anxiety and worry over the pregnancy is 100% valid.

PC

As for your MIL, I know the advices here are gonna be easier said than done. But it might be worth a try? I personally think it might not be easy for your hubs, like what you said, she is different when he’s around. You might have to address it with her one at a time. For example, I’d think that for lunch time, it could even be “mum (whatever you call her), I will eat at xx time (give her the specifics) and I will order xx food (give her the specifics too). I’m not siding her because i wouldn’t want to be treated the same way, but if I stand in her shoes, I would imagine that she is probably worried about you. Just different family culture and different personalities really makes communication break down all the time. I feel you should put your point across, one at a time. Hope something works out for you.

Hey! I think it’s really normal to feel frustrated especially in your situation where your MIL interferes too much. Pls don’t feel that you are the problem. Pregnancy do get us mummies more emotional than usual (which I did and tried to share with my hub as often as possible). I also approached a counsellor so that she can walk through with me. Guess cos 3rd trimester is so worrying with all the changes and birth of baby. I pray that you’ll be able to confide in someone whom you trust and feel comfortable with. Remember that you are loved. Count your blessings and your baby is a gift from God. :)

Maybe to make a point you should puke infront of her if she forces you to eat 🫠 On a more serious note, Its completely normal not to have any appetite and as your Dr has also given it the Ok. If you havent, let ur MIL know that. And try to discreetly lock the door if u are alone. If it keeps happening let ur husb know even she does it when u are alone at home and you are uncomfortable with it. Take things easy okay! Dont be too hard on urself 🤍 praying things get better soon

you sounded to have prenatal blues...might be better to live in different house from your in laws so you have your own space but in the same time, it is good to have someone who cares about you. the way elders care for us might not be the way we want it but in the end, you know someone will keep checking on you to make sure you are ok (compared to no one does it).

i know preg we very emo. me also my mood very mixed up. its not good. but i try control didnt work. and end up my baby stop heartbeat at w8+2 :( family expecially husband play a big role to back up u leh... try to ask hubby to tell his mum

your mil same like mine. dont knock door n come in my room every morning. i lock the door worse. she knocking non stop

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