My MIL treats my SIL's son like a GEM. Everything is about him. My other SIL also feel that her own mum is biased. Every time we have family gathering, with all the grandchildren around, the boy gets special attention. Even though she say she is shifting in with us (we have a room well furnished for her), but she only sleepover for 1-2nights/week. Most of the time she sleep at my SIL place with the GEM. I feel that the room for her in my house is 'under-utilised'. I could have converted it into a playroom for my kids. And sometimes when she comes over, she brought the GEM to sleepover too. I don't feel good, kinda feel privacy intruded. Am I normal to feel this way?

10 Replies
 profile icon
Write a reply

There is really one thing called 请神容易送神难 which is very true. If this issue on your MIL bringing her favourite grandson every weekend without even interacting with your kids and it really bothers you a lot, I believe you have the right to decide what you want to do with that room. Morever you have 2 kids, space is also a constraint and definitely a good enough reason why you need the room as well. Be honest with your thoughts with your husband. If your husband keep on saying scared she sensitive, unhappy, dont be afraid to say that you are unhappy too. I had this issue just recently when we accomodate my PILs out of goodwill a short while and reminded thwm when to leave, MIL got depressed (or whatever) complain behind my back that I drove her and FIL back to their home when actually, we are the ones who help and they are the ones who create the mess and not being responsible. I told myself that when people don't appreciate, dont bother and keep on step into your comfort zone, step out and be firm. Your MIL could have also step into your comfort zone during the weekends just hiding in that room, you could have utilize that room and have fun with your kids instead. Ask your husband to speak to your SIL (gem's mum) about the suggested new arrangement too. Remember while reducing conflicts is important, your happiness is more important too.

Read more
5y ago

please allow me rephrase this line "reducing conflicts is important, your happiness is more". Reducing conflict will reduce the chance of your happiness dropping further. ;)

It is certainly normal that you feel that way, your feelings are yours and yours only and no one can dispute it be it right or wrong. Moving forward. How would you handle this if this was your mother? =X All in All, they are old and not many good years left, let live and let live. I don't understand why would the GEM be an intrusion of your privacy, in fact is good that your kids forge bond with children within the extended family. Won't it be good that she only stay 1 or 2 days? Imagine if you said that, she might just choose to stay for more days and your relationship might sour because of that. Remember this is the mother that raise your husband. Traditionally daughter-in-law has to service the MIL, but thank god we are have moved pass that era. Still some of issue still exist, lets count our blessing. Lastly have you even consider why she dote the GEM so much? Could it be that the GEM is suffering from illness and was not disclosed? I recall a story my friend told me previously that her grandma always dote a cousin of his and it turn out that this cousin has terminal illness and die years later. I say this not to scare you and make you go probe and worry that the illness might spread to your child. but hope you can take a paradigm shift.

Read more

I am one damn vocal person so I will just tell my mil if she could spend time playing w my children too or at least be in the living room so all can interact and bond. My children can bond w the cousin too. Otherwise just leave it? Or ask ur mil if she prefer to permanently stay at SIL place since she likes it there? Otherwise just bear w it till the GEM go to primary school? By then lesser chance of ur mil bringing the GEM around?

Read more
5y ago

Ya I also wanted to ask if she prefers my SIL place. But hubby feels later she sensitive think we chasing her out. Oh wells, the GEM is 11yo. N when I meant my MIL brings him over, it's fri/sat nights.

I guess we can't stop people from having favourites, however what you can do is to ensure your child doesn't feel left out or unloved by your MIL. It's very important to give your child the security they need. Meanwhile you can talk to your hubby about this and see if he can have a chat with his mum

Read more
5y ago

His reply is old people very sensitive very hard to talk to. My kids still does get attention from MIL when she comes over. But most of the time, MIL and GEM are in her room. So what's the meaning of bringing GEM over with her and they stay in the room? Might as well stay at SIL place.

Seriously I think the GEM's parents may not be feeling very happy too. My pil are so in love with my boy (currently10 mth old) n neglected my bil's Daughter ( 6 mth old) n i Super Bth with it until I feel like shouting at them to give us some space

My mil is also very bias towards her own daughter. We the DILs are just dirt to her. What to do, if I have a daughter I will also give her the best.. I only can say I'm unlucky enough to have a lousy mom myself.

Wah this original post is from 3years ago leh. Wondering if the app creator can let poster close replies or what if the topic is already not relevant to their life.

i think u r very nice to have a room for her esp when she treats the grandkids in a bias manner. i would insist her son talk to her and convert the room.

Have you spoken to your husband and what are his thoughts about converting the room? How old is your child?

5y ago

We spoke about it. But he say old people very sensitive. Very hard to talk. My kids are 2years and younger one 7 months.

VIP Member

Wow why only special treatment for GEM?