How to deal with living with an overzealous MIL? I think I’m going depressed.

My baby is 3 months old and I imagined this to be the best period of my life, but it turned out to be the worst, I’ve never cried so much in a period of 3 months. Is it normal that I feel this way or am I over reacting? Any advice would be helpful! I live with my MIL who is not very agile and able (shaky hands, weak, poor eyesight) therefore she is not the caretaker of my baby. She isn’t really allowed to carry the baby as she just isn’t capable of doing so safely. I get anxiety watching her carry my baby as she just can’t seem to carry him right and his neck is always in a precarious position. I feel she is being so overzealous and not giving me the privacy and space that I need. The moment I leave my room in the morning she follows him around. If we are in the living room and I have to change his diaper in the bedroom, she literally follows from living room to bedroom. She has a habit of “hovering” around and literally standing by the side and just stares at him. He could be sleeping in the bouncer while I am just using my phone on the sofa, and she would just stand there to stare at him sleeping for a good 5 minutes. I would be changing his diaper in the bedroom and she would just stand there and look the whole time. I would be holding his pacifier so it doesn’t drop and she would come hold it too. I would be rocking his bouncer and she will rock it too. When I’m talking to my baby while changing his diapers or while tummy timing, she talks over me. The moment she hears baby cries she darts out of her room to check on him, even when it’s a slight whimper. Every. Single. Time. She touches him when he sleeps and it annoys me because she is disrupting his sleep. When he cries and I am trying to soothe him by going shhhhh, she is there raising her volume and imitating his cries. It is just not helpful and I feel so aggravated. She has walked into my bedroom because she wants to see the baby. Sometimes when I close the door she knocks and ask if she can come in, if I say no because I’m pumping or something, she asks if I can bring him out. I feel so uncomfortable and oppressed in my own home because of the lack of privacy and personal space. I used to be a homebody but I hate being home now, I can’t wait to leave the house at any opportunity and I hate having to leave my bedroom with my baby in the morning. I just wish I could stay with baby in my room all day. I get so annoyed when I listen to her talk or play with my baby. She repeats her ‘bye bye’ more than 10x each time we leave the house and also ‘goodnight’ every night. Everyday she tells baby his feet is cold and I reply the same thing everyday that it is fine and it isn’t cold. She isn’t even the caretaker but every single day she asks what time is baby drinking? Is baby sleeping? What time is he having his bath? Etc etc. Am I right to feel this way or am I being over sensitive? I have spoken to my MIL about the above and she says she just wants to see her grandson, and because she works 3 times a week she doesn’t have enough time to play with him. She argues I have so much time with him since I am by his side almost all the time. She laments to my husband that the baby is always kept in my bedroom and he has told her she isn’t allowed to enter to respect my privacy. I am going crazy thinking about how to tolerate this unhappiness for the rest of my life. My baby is only 3 months old and I think I’m already going depressed. My husbands often ask me to bring my baby out to the living room in the morning so that MIL can play with the baby and I resent him for this. Have told him but it happens again and again. I’m just thinking did I really go through pregnancy, child birth and all just to feel this unhappy? And for someone to be able to play with my baby?! I am usually a happy jovial person but recently I feel so miserable and sad. I wish we didn’t have to stay with her but it’s not a choice as she has nowhere else to go. I feel like there I no solution unless we end up in a divorce so that I can leave with my baby. Any advice, mummies? Ps this is not her first grandchild, but it’s her first time living in the same home with a grandchild. #advicepls #JustMoms

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I think she feels lonely and the baby brings her joy and she is loving the baby in her own ways…will it help if you segmentize time for her to be with baby like 1-2 hours daily? After that, the rest of time should be yours. I’m glad to see your husband stepping up to protect your privacy and boundaries. If husband and you have tried telling her already, and she still doesn’t get it / insist her ways, then the next best thing is to move out. It is For the interest of your baby and your mental health! She needs to understand that you are the mother of the child, she is only the grandmother. You should be the main care giver and she should take instructions from you, if she desires to be of service/help in the house. She needs to be told that her actions are disruptive and not helpful at all. Maybe better for your husband to do this instead of you.

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9mo ago

Thanks for your suggestion. She is indeed too free, I have caught her staring into blank space many times. We have asked her to join senior citizens activities but she isn’t that open to new environment and making new friends. She shifted in with us to a new location o all her kakis are in another area hence she doesn’t really have a social life now. It’s just work and home, work and home. Ps: thanks for taking time to reply :)