41 Replies
I think in this situation fear or worry of what could happen should be thrown out the window and an honest conversation has to be brought to the table. I would suggest taking him out on an intimate date night, without other people around and no distractions. Focus the night on you relationship and connection with each other. This might help him open up as well and not shut the idea down immediately as he's in a rested state. Do take note that this is just about how you would bring it up, I'm not sure if any of us would be able to help you if the answer is something you don't want to hear. Nevertheless, always keep the channel of communication open. Both parties shouldn't be too caught up on the idea of what they want and instead focus on what makes them stronger as a couple.
Before my husband and I tied the knot, we sat down and asked each other a few questions to see if we would be able to sustain our marriage. 1. Do we intend to have children? If yes, how many? 2. Do we agree to have our parents live with us? 3. Are we willing to take in our parents, should they be unable to stay on their own? 4. Do we have a joint account so we can pay the bills or do we alternate the paying of bills? It is important to know the answers to these questions because it will be easier on you once you guys are married. Rather than to have to bring this up after marriage, only to realise that you guys don't see eye to eye.
This is a very important matter as you both enter this new chapter in your lives. Do not keep things such as this issue to your own. Bring it up. If you are afraid and do not know when and how to bring it up, you can time it when he is in a good mood. You can also take into consideration that he might not just be emotionally ready, or might even be a bit of afraid and anxious to enter the world of fatherhood, or maybe considering family planning and financial stability so that if and when the time comes that you get pregnant, he is well prepared. But nonetheless, sit down with him and talk about the issue.
It's best to talk about it as early on in the relationship as possible. So you can avoid any serious conflict down the road. It's all about hearing your partner out but also being vocal about what you want. As always, this is a challenge in learning how to compromise and it must be a mutual decision to have kids. One must not be pressured into it. Be patient and believe that you both want to make each other happy. He'll come around. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Enjoy this season of your relationship and trust that you can weather anything that comes your way.
Hey i can understand your situation.what you should do is you should not start directly discussing on this topic The best idea to start is when you are out in public or when you are somewhere in the Mall or any other place where there are babies around you, so that situation would be most appropriate to start the topic by just passing a small comment related to baby around you and slowly your fiancé would also add some comment to the conversation and slowly then you start bring in your discussion about it. So that would make the situation worry-free to discuss.
It is important to discuss this issue because it is not a decision that only concerns one person. If it is difficult to broach the subject, I would suggest going on a marriage preparation course. These sessions will facilitate discussions of issues that you and your fiancé have yet to consider. You can take a look at this MSF link (http://app.msf.gov.sg/Policies/Marriages/Preparing-for-Marriage#PrepOverview) for a brief introduction of what the courses/programmes entails. There is also a link to list of MSF approved organisations provided.
I agreed with most who recommend that you should talk about it before the big day. I'll just share a real life experience here. My ex boss wanted babies too but his wife didn't. They didn't talk about this before marriage. He was unhappy for years as he really wanted kids. once he asked if I know the meaning of Family. It's "Father and mother I love you" and said his is incomplete with kids. In the end, they got divorced. So to avoid being like my ex boss, raise the topic before the big day.
I think it's too early to discuss kids and fret over their number right now. Couples need time to adjust after marriage and in the course, opinions change as well. If your spouse promises about 2 kids now, don't be surprised if you argue about having the second one. These things evolve over time and the experience with the first kid is instrumental in deciding on more. Take it easy and slow. You need to realize you're on the same page on a lot of things before tackling another life.
As best as possible, try to discuss big topics (e.g. whether to have kids) before marriage. Most importantly, you two need to work to aligning towards common life goals as a unit. I feel that a marriage is where two persons work as a unit towards common life goals. As some have mentioned earlier, life goals may change over time, but what keeps the marriage together is to consistently synchronise your life goals and realign accordingly. In short, just talk it out. :)
Lady slow down!! You are just getting married and are about to start a new chapter...Let this life event sink in... Kids can be discussed slowly keeping his comfort levels n yours too in mind... You don't want to freak him out and pressurize him... atleast not now.. Slowly when this conditioning sinks in...the other one can be seeded into him...Right now focus on looking awesome on ur wedding n rocking it!!