The Baby that We Didn't Have

I thought I would pen down my feelings here... Everything was going so smoothly for my wife until our second appt with the obgyn dr at 9 weeks pregnancy. We waited for our turn and normally we would do the transvaginal ultrasound for each visit. The nurse prepped my wife and waited for the Dr to start the procedure. After scanning for a while, her facial expression changed. Something was amiss. Normally, you would be seeing something flickering at the centre of the foetus. That would be the foetal heartbeat. It was quiet. Empty. Measuring the foetus, it is only 17.44mm and estimated 8 weeks old. The Dr pressed some dials and changed to Doppler setting showing red/blue colour indicating active blood flow. The Dr suggested that we do another scan for second opinion at the hospital the next day. We went back home and prayed to the Lord for a miracle. Second day came and we proceeded to the hospital for the second scan. We waited for about 1½h as we had no appt. This time, the sonographer did a transabdonimal ultrasound before a transvaginal ultrasound. Seeing the same picture on the monitor devastates me again. This time, the Prof came and take a look to confirm the missing foetal heartbeat. The thought of the baby gone is really heart-wrenching. No parents would want this to happen.