Infant care or MIL
I would prefer sending my baby to infant care when I return to work, but my MIL says she wants to look after her. I thought we could compromise and leave her in infant care for half the day, and let my MIL look after her for the second half of her day. She is insisting that she wants to look after my baby for the entire day. I am not comfortable with it because my FIL always shouts and curse/swear at home. And she also could not tell us what will happen to her daily marketing, because we are not comfortable to let her bring my baby out, especially to the wet market. Also, I'm not a big fan of my MIL. And a first time mum here. Very paranoid my baby will choose my MIL in future if they spend too much time together.
No matter what others say,u make the ultimate decision for your child. As a parent,at the end of the day,no matter by whom ur child is taken care of by,ur child will always comes back to you.Even as a newborn ur baby knows who is the parent and who is not.Don overthink abt it.My children was taken care of by my parents and in law.They stil come back to us,their parents for any little thing. Yes I agree the environment might play a part in ur child's upbringing. My in laws also used harsh words.But none of my child picked up the words and used them.Thank God for that.But however,I save a lot of money for a full day infant as they volunteered to help me care for them while me n spouse at work.But eventually,i sent them to childcare when they reached 18 mths for them to start mingling ard with other kids their age. Talk things thru with ur spouse,hope things goes well for you.Read more
I think 1/2 day Ifc is not worth it. The fees paid is almost full day price and you are only gg 1/2 day and baby need to adapt to both mil & ifc environment. If you choose ur mil, you need to accept her parenting style. And it might turns out she have the final say on alot of things as she is the main caregiver. Things that u ask her not to do, she can still do it. No matter which decision u make, u also have to take care when bb goes home. Spend quality time with bb. They know who are the parents. But they also know who treat them Well / dote on them and will naturally choose them. I feel that u can send the baby to ifc if you want. And ur pil are emergency backup plan shld the baby fall sick etc . Discuss with ur hubbyRead more
If your FIL has negative vibes then I would suggest putting into infant care. Currently I let my MIL take care however she will come to our house, away from FIL. My in laws have some conflict sometimes and give out negative vibes which I don’t want my child to grow up around thinking that is normal. If hubby and I both need to go back to office full time, then I will consider infant care. Otherwise having my MIL take care, I know she may do things slightly different than me. In the end I can work peacefully knowing even we have our differences, she puts baby first. She will always do what’s best for baby, even if I may not agree to her style. I know baby is taken care of and loved immensely for sure.Read more
I'll vote for infant care. I had concerns over having my MIL take care of my baby too but eventually gave in. There were many recurring issues over the care and management of my baby since and I really regret not placing my baby in infant care instead. Too late to make changes too as there's no ready infant care vacancy around my neighbourhood. So I let my husband manage my MIL everytime there's an issue but I'll be firm with my stand.Read more
U already got the answer yourself. Infant care. Kids Wun get close to grandparents till they won’t want you. No matter what there’s a blood bond with you and the kid. Unless even in primary school, u still don’t bother and she’s under the care of grandparents. That’s where they will stick to grandparents and not you.Read more
ask yourself if you were to put under your mil care are you ready to listen to her? she will have the say in everything as she's the one who take care. to me either you take care yourself of put in infant care putting with mil will cause alot of issue unless you can really close both eyes
If i were u, just enroll into infant care but let her know she can pick ur baby up anytime but must inform u first. I think its quite good that she’s trying to help. Just in case ur baby fall sick and cant go to ifc or anyth u have an extra help. Just my thought, but its really up to u.
Always discuss with your husband on matter relating to baby and in laws. Come to an agreement together and then communicate together with your in laws duly. There are pros and cons, think through it and decide on what make both of you comfortable.Read more
The FIL's shouting/cursing/swearing part would be a deal breaker for me. Would prefer my baby to spend time in a more controlled, positive environment in the infant care if that's the case.
strongly suggest IFC if cost is not an issue. bb will fall sick and u will need back up plan (rather that keep on using up FCL). weekends also can leave at in laws when u need a break!!