My MIL is staying with me as she helps to take care of my 3 kids. The issue with her is she thinks she's always right, hot tempered, always scold my kids, let my kids watch phone in the dark and so on. She can't be confronted and if so, she will threaten not to take care of my kids. Worst, she made me her target to throw tantrum at. Hubby will not talk to her to correct her behaviour as he thinks he can't do that as his mother is sacrificing to look after our kids. How to win back husband over mother-in-law? I am so depressed now.

I'd strongly encourage you to look deep into the intentions of your own first, then your MIL's. I'm sure both of you have your own kind intentions. Only that they're executed differently. Usually it's the execution part that causes a lot of misunderstanding and heartaches. Execution means the way intentions are being carried out. (Through words, thoughts or actions.) That being said, your intention of not letting your kids watch the screen in the dark is to protect their eyesight. Nonetheless, I wouldn't think your MIL is trying to go against your intention, but more like achieving her idea of 'spoiling' your kids because she loves them. It's like grandma taking her grandchildren out for ice cream secretly. Of course, loving them is one thing, and whether her method works is another. The objective isn't to eliminate her method completely but to minimise it through subtle and gradual gestures till it has no stress over you. Instead of telling your MIL that it's bad for the kids to watch the phone in the dark, why not directly educate your kids about the dangers of blue-light emission from electronic devices? A lot of sources online now are reporting the dangers of retina damage from blue-light. Prep yourself with the accurate information through proper research and educate your children why they should avoid long hours of screen time (not just in the dark). Make it a point that if they overlooked these health hazards, their eyesight will be proned to danger within the next few decades, and give them the upper hand to decide on whether this is truly what they want for their eyes? Remember to guide them with what is true, get them to question and choose for themselves instead of scaring them with facts through reprimanding or dictating them what to do or what not to do. Scaring only works momentarily. Once the scare effect is over, what was meant to be a fruitful lesson ends up as another horror movie they watched. They are unable to gain anything beneficial out of it. Our objective is to guide them through with a gentle attitude, day in day out. We may not have all the answers they need but letting them know that we are there to provide them a safe and calm environment for mistakes/doubts is crucial. Though they may forget what you said a minute ago due to poor-habit development over the years, but through persistent yet gentle guidance, they'd slowly take in your genuine intention and develop a desirable habit out of it. Before you know it, it would be your kids educating your MIL instead, and she'd be baffled. Now that is your perfect moment to smile secretly to yourself. ;) As much as your husband may seem like the most appropriate candidate to deal with the issues between you and your MIL. Unfortunately, that is not the case because he is caught in the most awkward predicament, considering he has to be extra sensitive to both you and his mother's concerns. Expecting him to correct his mother is like inviting him to pick a side. He would probably feel as uncomfortable if his mom also told him to correct your behavior. So, this is not the right method to solve the problem. All of you belong in one family. There is no winning over because this is not about competition. Your MIL bore your husband, and you bore your husband's kids. How can one be more or less important than the other? I genuinely hope you realise that you're not in a disadvantaged position. In fact, you're in the most advantaged position because you are the mother of your kids. Realistically speaking, its much easier to teach your kids than your MIL or husband. Since your kids are still young, build a strong foundation with them. Once they are older, they'd stick to that regardless of worldly influences. All you need is a reliable and trustworthy relationship with your kids. Once this is established, there is nothing to worry between your MIL or husband. By then, your MIL and husband will be more fascinated with how you manage to healthily sync yourself with the kids, considering your husband and MIL have a control-and-suppress relationship. Family affairs are not the easiest things to resolve because they are close to our hearts. We feel the hurt easily just as we feel the joy immensely. Our sensitivity towards our loved ones are naturally higher than those who are acquainted to us. Yet, don't trick yourself into depression by believing that you're isolated from this world because this is a common global problem regardless of race, culture, religion. If these family problems around the world could be resolved by millions, why believe in failures when there are successes? Position your mind to seek solutions through love instead of succumbing to pain through fear. Once your mentality is in the direction of light and hope, darkness hides away and the universe will be in your favor, and that includes your MIL as well! ;) Before I close, I'd end with a powerful insight and hope this soothes your soul. Buddha once said, "If a problem can be solved, why worry? If a problem cannot be solve, worrying does you no good." Hang in there and choose love over fear, gentleness over aggression, and compassion over blame. You decide the kind of energy you want for yourself. Don't let the negative actions of others influence you. Be well and take care.

to be honest , once she has crossed the line , you should speak up and say what are the things you dont want ur kids to experience .. such as using phone and all .. You should always have a back up plan as to , how to manage the kids if she isnt around .. Try speaking to your husband to talk to his mother , or u speak up if not you can try ask your husband to work and you become the housewife .. security courses ( devan nair ) offer a few days class , you can manage the family with the income your husband provide instead of depending on others to take care of the kids .. You may find a work from home job and manage the income , until the kids are slightly older .. I rather the kids grow up in an healthy environment then to grow up having virtual entertainment surrounded them .. The kids childhood is important , the roots are important for the growth of the child .. Hope this was useful to you .

This sounds really tricky. :( I would propose sitting your husband down and discuss what are his thoughts on some of the issue without highlighting what your mother-in-law is doing. For example, ask him how he would handle if he sees your children using the phone in the dark. Just to get a sense of how he feels about the issue. It will be tough convincing someone who does feel that there is anything wrong with the current situation. If he agree that it is not ideal, then ask him to propose some solutions to remedy the situation. It is tricky having to deal with relatives for help in taking care of your children. If it is possible, are there other options to consider (childcare centres?). If your mother-in-law is not that keen on helping, it may be less straining to the relationships if other alternatives could be explored. All the best!

Even I staying with my own parents also has got issues almost everyday. If it really is a concern, you may try to find a nanny or put them in infant or childcare instead. Otherwise you may consider to get a helper. If letting your MIL look after is the best option, then u got to have a good talk with your MIL or just bear with it.

Actually what I think is maybe your MIL is tired to look after the kids, three of them is not easy and she is old. Talk to her nicely or if you really can't solve the problem, try nanny or childcare.

If possible send all your children to childcare if finances allow. Never easy to receive help and yet have a say even if you are right. And it is putting a strain on the relationship

Send your kids to childcare . It’s your decision and your MIL can’t stop you .

A better solution is to send your children to childcare.