Jealous siblings

I have a newborn and his brother is two years apart. My elder child will find any opportunity to beat his younger brother whether the adults are around or not around. I have explained to him that the newborn is his brother and must care of him but maybe he is too young to understand. He will grab his younger brother's clothes, throw something at him and violent towards him. When will he understand and not to treat his brother that way. Is too dangerous to leave them alone even for a second.

14 Replies
 profile icon
Write a reply

This is a phase in all older kids and it will go away eventually. The best you can do is spend time with him as much as possible. When a new baby comes along, the baby has everyone's attention and obviously yours because your need to care for him. This makes your older one lonely and jealous of the older. You can use punishment but it may make him resentful of his brother. Talk to him and do say your brother is young and needs mummy's attention just like him when he was younger but it does not mean you love him less. You love him equally. Give him more hugs and kisses and play with him. Let someone take of your newborn for while. You can also ask him if he like to help you take care of his younger simply like giving you his diaper, cream and any simple duties then praise for being such a good boy and being a good big brother

Read more
Super Mum

My son and daughter was 3.5yo apart. When I’m pregnant with my daughter, I actually keep engaged my son with my daughter. Tell him that she is your young sis and need your care, ask him to sayang her (rubbing my tummy). When I gave birth, I get a present for my son telling him that is his sis giving him the present. And now he is 4, my daughter is 6mo, he always help me to take care of her, sharing his toy and pat/ give pacifier/sing song to her when she cry.

Read more
VIP Member

Maybe you can try asking the older brother to help out with chores. Such as bringing water to bathe / diapers for the baby / clothes to change. To get him involved. Also, make sure to spend time alone with him. Leave the newborn with someone else, for a good one hour. During that hour, make sure to give your full attention to your first son. To let him know that you still love and care for him. All the best! 😊

Read more
2y ago

My first son would in fact confiscate some of the brother's toiletries and make us chase from him back. He wont listen. Yup, we do spend time with him alone and tell him we love him.

VIP Member

I experienced something similar. Read up on sibling rivalry. He is clearly jealous of the new baby but you need to understand it from his perspective. He was the only child for 2 years and now he finds his status diminished or feels replaced. This is a great book to start.

Post reply image

Spend some time with him solely, say when the younger is sleeping. He wants attention, jealous and worry that he may lose his status. Assure him your love towards him is not lesser than his brother. Tell him to be the super hero and to protect his brother. Jia You.

Yes not v possible to leave them alone until #2 can fend for himself. Mine are 17months apart and my #2 is 15mo. They are snatching things and #1 is still quite big and stronger. Still waiting for the day🤞hang in there!

You can also bring home small items as gifts for the elder child and say it’s from his younger brother. That makes him feel that his younger brother dotes on him too.

It's normal. When I was young, I also beat my elder brother, but no reason why. It's just like this haha

Super Mum

Can use naughty corner, take away of toys/privileges as punishment. Should start early

The elder one wants love and attention Pay more attention to the elder one