How do you deal with separation anxiety when it comes to childcare for your toddlers?

What my friend did was to start mentally preparing her daughter for the childcare arrangement weeks before the actual start date. She stressed to her girl that soon she would be going to a place where she will meet friends and have lots of fun activities while daddy and mummy go to work. In the morning, she will tell her daughter that in a few weeks time, they will be spending their day elsewhere (i.e., not home). Also, she will always stress that it doesn’t mean daddy mummy are abandoning her and that it will just be for a few hours each day. Next, she arrange for a visit to the childcare centre with her daughter. Introducing her daughter to the environment with her company. Spoke to the caregivers there. During the stay, she also pointed out where the toys and books are. As an added measure, she continue bringing her girl to the childcare centre for a few mornings (not for visits, just staying outside and walking around the area) to get her daughter excited about going there in the mornings. Still, despite doing all these, her daughter still cried the house down the first few days they started childcare. Still, doing all those steps did appear to help, as her daughter was just worried about being abandoned. After a few evenings of “reuniting” with my friend at the end of the day, she was able to get used to the new routine and adapted considerably well after the first week.

Separation anxiety sounds scary but trust me it is easy to deal with if you have a little patience. The first step to ease it would be by leaving your child with a relative or a trusted friend for half an hour every day so that your child gets used to the idea of being with other people when you are not around. Slowly increase the time by an hour. Next step would be to enrol for a daycare centre and sending your child to it for an hour every day. Once he gets used to it increase the duration. Also send your toddler for play dates once every week or so. The whole idea is for him to understand that it is okay for him to be with others when mommy is not around. Also make it a point to talk to your child every day about how he feels when you are not around and try to ease any fears that he may have. If your child is still not a talker yet, indulge him in a little TLC and tell him why you have to leave him at the child care. Kids are smarter than we think :)

There are steps you can take to make the process of separation anxiety easier. #1:Practice separation. Leave your child with a caregiver for brief periods and short distances at first. #2: Schedule separations after naps or feedings. Babies are more susceptible to separation anxiety when they’re tired or hungry. #3: Develop a “goodbye” ritual. Rituals are reassuring and can be as simple as a special wave through the window or a goodbye kiss. #4: Leave without fanfare. Tell your child you are leaving and that you will return, then go—don’t stall. #5: Try not to give in. Reassure your child that he or she will be just fine—setting limits will help the adjustment to separation.

My daugther started her 3hrs preschool at 2.5 years old in N1 class. It's hard to let go initially as we will feel heartpain when see our child crying in school for the first few days. I was also emotionally affected initially but after she settled down in school (about 3-4days), I can see that she is enjoying herself and loves going school. My son who is 2.5 years old now and will be going to full day childcare in April. I am starting to have separation anxiety already. I try to console myself, my son will be learning things in school and enjoy himself in school. When it's time to let go, I should let my son to learn to be independent.

Although it may be difficult to hear a child cry, remember that separation anxiety does have a positive aspect: It indicates that a healthy attachment has bonded a caregiver and child. Try talking a child through the process of leaving; tell him that you love him and let him know you will return. If it helps, offer him a favorite stuffed animal as a soother in your absence. Keeping a regular routine can help children develop a feeling of control over daily situations. Say "See you later, alligator" or share a secret handshake as a clear and consistent indicator when saying goodbye.

My sister was surprised when on the first day, she asked her toddler if she wanted mama to stay with her and my niece said a flat out no! She was sad about it at first, but seeing how independent her daughter had become made her proud and she saw that she could be more independent too! Without having to worry about her daughter, she had energy to do new things like sign up for a yoga class. She made sure to still bond with her daughter when she came home by letting her tell stories about school and her new friends.

What has worked best for me has been to approach is gradually and with patience. We spent a lot of time with caregiver, my child and me which helped my child trust the caregiver as mummy trusted the caregiver. We also exposed my child to several new people - family and friends and encouraged him to spend time with them so he got comfortable with new people not just his parents and Nanny.

It's always hard to leave your little one at daycare for the first time. But trust me, they do start having fun very soon and you won't have to feel so bad. While it's very tempting to linger on thinking the sight of you will reassure your little one, it's better to say "bye, I'll be back soon. I love you", and make a hasty exit. Soon, your little one won't even notice that you've left!

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It is when you relax yourself, then will you be able to send the right vibes to your child. Stay strong for your child. They can feel you.