Hi mummies, I need advice on a non breastfeeding issue. My father in law has been taking care of my daughter since I went back to work when she was 2 months old. Since then, baby has had problems latching on, tried for so long to get her to latch again but to no avail, so now I'm exclusively pumping. My father in law insists that fat babies are healthy babies and has been feeding her a lot since I went back to work, even when she cries and turns away, he will still force the bottle in her mouth. baby is > 97th percentile and the PD has asked us to limit her intake. Somehow, my father in law refuses to respect my husbands and my wishes when it comes to our baby. He insisted on feeding her water before she's 6 months old, wanted to give her solids before then also and he insists that we should give her the pacifier. I live with my in laws and I get very stressed out worrying if he is giving her water or solids, or not letting her sleep. It's so bad that I changed my job so I can be around more to take care of my baby. Every morning before I go to work, I will prepare her morning feed of 160ml (she was drinking 210ml previously) and go to work. Imagine my surprise when I was home and realized that he topped up the milk to 210ml again. And he does this for every feed till I come home. And if she wakes up 1.5 hours later, he will insist that she is hungry again. On weekends when I bring her home to my mother's she drinks 160 per feed and it will last her at least 3 hours. I know that he will never do anything to hurt her on purpose but I am getting very annoyed that he doesn't respect our decisions. How do I handle this ? Even when the PD tells him, he insists he knows better. Help. (Sorry for the long post)

It's inevitable to have conflicts when you get your next of kin to look after your baby. Compared to paid help (ie. IFC) where you have greater say in how you want your child to be looked after, your next of kin is doing you a favour. Besides, they're your elders, which will require you to show them respect, it's an extremely sensitive matter to handle. If it's something that is making you really uncomfortable, such that you cannot turn a blind eye to, raise it up. No one will intentionally harm a child, but well meaning people may unintentionally harm a child due to ignorance. It's your role as a mother to step in to protect your child. The very fact that your father in law does things against yours and your husband's wishes and even thinks that he knows better than the doctor already provides ample clues with regards to future upbringing of your kid. He thinks that he knows better than everyone and appears to be closed to suggestions. Today it's about milk which many have shared about implications of force feeding on obesity. When she's older and starts on solids, I'm sure instead of letting her have the joy of tasting food with her key intake being milk, he may insist on force feeding her with porridge, with the insistence that it'll fill her faster without understanding the intention of weaning is exposure to flavours in the initial months. If your kid is exposed to a force feeding environment, she may develop negative emotions towards eating and hence hate eating. The implications on her future intake of nutrients are very real. There are endless possibilities of him insisting his own ways, such as adding seasoning, usage of walkers, toilet training at a very young age, intercept when you're disciplining etc. Some mothers can close both eyes, some can't. If you belong to the latter, suggest that you speak to your husband or mil to give him a stern warning, or you will look for an alternative caregiver.