why i cant bond with my baby...

Being a mom was supposed to be the happiest time of my life, or so they said. But for me, it felt like I was living in a foggy dream. From the moment my baby was born, I struggled to feel that magical bond everyone talks about. As I held my little one in my arms, I felt a mix of emotions—overwhelmed, exhausted, and yes, a little scared. But where was that overwhelming rush of love that everyone talked about? Instead, I felt like a stranger in my own body, unsure of how to connect with this tiny human I had brought into the world. Days turned into weeks, and still, the bond I longed for seemed elusive. I went through the motions—feeding, changing diapers, trying to soothe the cries—but it all felt mechanical, devoid of the warmth and connection I craved. I watched other moms effortlessly cuddle and coo with their babies, wondering what I was doing wrong. Was I just not cut out for this motherhood thing? The guilt gnawed at me, adding to the weight of my doubts and insecurities. am i normal??????? please help

Anonymous

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It’s normal, especially when you only have yourself. Not everyone is blessed with an entire kampung, at least not for me. After my husband went back to work, it was me 24/7, be it whether I’m half dead from fever or covid. Definitely wasn’t love at first sight for me, I was afraid of my baby when she came out. I just wanted peace and to be left alone because I could barely function. It took me months to accept her as my baby. Before that, everything was just out of responsibility and also because I have no help, I had to do it. Having to go thru lack of sleep due to the crazy pumping schedules (I blame myself for this, I insisted on bf because it’s said to be able to help lose weight faster lol, few months into pumping, it became an attachment rather than to lose weight), and then baby’s feeding time coincides right after pumping. When I’m almost done, I’m left with less than 1 hour of sleep till the next pump again. It gets worse when baby cries and you can’t figure out as a FTM. She’s lost, I’m lost. I’m very very exhausted. At times when I’m super sick, I just lay on my bed to cry it all out while watching my baby and thinking “who can help me please, even if it’s just for 10 mins.” I can’t even leave for 5 mins to take a poop or have a quick bite. Fast forward, as baby grows and I get more sleep, no longer have short interval pump schedules etc, I felt more alive. Only then I really enjoyed “motherhood”. It’s been 26m now and I’m still the main caregiver, 24/7. Looking back, it’s bittersweet. Not sure how I got past it, but things will get better. Get all the help you can find, go for your me time be it 1 hour just sitting down scrolling thru your phone with NO disturbance. Step by step, find yourself. Always remember that your wellbeing and sanity is equally as important as baby. You need to take care of yourself first. Hang in there 💪🏻!

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Anonymous

2mo ago

I'm exclusively pumping, and I put my pump parts in the fridge between pumps sessions. I wash them twice a day, so in between 3 to 4 pumps, but my sis told me she let hers go for 24 hrs in between washing and its fine. Don't need to rinse or anything, just store the parts in an airtight container or ziplock and pop into the fridge. Previously I washed after every pump, and that was insanely tiring. Agree with the handsfree pump. Otherwise you're stuck at a spot for multiple times a day, not sustainable or realistic with a baby. I lowered my pumps for 5 times per day as I'm an oversupplier, and I dragged to have a 7-8 hr interval at night so that I can get more rest.

I also struggled to bond with my baby initially. He didn't feel like my baby, but a new stranger in my hse that I am quite terrified of haha. Took me probably 2 months to accept and bond with my baby, and that's also the time when he started smiling and responding, so bonding became easier. Talking and smiling to an unreactive baby is quite hard haha Don't stress yourself over not feeling the bond. The experience is different for everyone, and there are many mothers out there who feel the same as you, so don't feel bad about it. The fact that you're worrying about it means that your baby means a lot to u! At some point, you'll come to feel the love for your baby.

Hi mummies, i was in your same exact position when i first gave birth and lasted few months!!! I totally understand how you feel. I felt like me and my baby is a stranger i dont feel the bond of connection AT ALL. And nope when people say your pain will all be gone when you first see your baby, its like love at forst sight. Not at all for me. I dont feel it at all. Butttt as few months passed by, the connection slowly gotten better, especially when baby has learnt to smile or look at you, or even laugh. I can only say itll get better, not now, not anytime soon, but definitely the day will come!

Maybe you’re just tired. Maybe that’s just the way you are. You have a lifetime to bond. Slowly but surely it will come.

TapFluencer

only closer with my kidz when they started to talk... hang on in there!

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