To remain status quo or leave the marriage…

Question

I’m stuck at a marriage where I can’t move forward being his wife. I’m done. There’s no love, no kinship, no friendship, feeling suffocated. I want full custody of my 3.5yo and 9mo, since I’ve been the one taking care since born till now. Had enough of unreasonable tantrums and behaviour, disrespectful, lies. Felt that separation will be better for mental health, otherwise it’s so stressful to stay with someone who will lose his craziness at any one time when I have to deal with kids tantrums. I need a partner who can go through thick and thin with me, not a partner that will crush things even further when things gone wrong. Simply to say, rather than helping, he’s adding more stress. Scolding vulgar language in front of the kids umpteen times… no matter how much I tried to protect or educate…. He’s there to destroy everything…. I really wish that he can leave us alone….We don’t kiss or have sex since pregnant till now, we don’t communicate anymore, whatever he’s doing outside I don’t know, where he goes I don’t know, what time he will be home I don’t know…. Our house is like a hotel….? Whenever he wants he just play with the kids, whenever he don’t want he just heck care or scold the kids? I’m so stuck…

Anonymous · Answer

I feel like I’m in the same situation as you. But I’m not working and currently heavily pregnant due to give birth early Aug. I’ve been taking care of my firstborn who is now 20 months old. My husband doesn’t kiss or touch me anymore eversince I got pregnant with my firstborn. He’s even rejected me many times until now. I’ve caught a sh*tload of porn websites on his phone many times and have left him for a week and gone back to my parents. He’s still the same. Sometimes I want out. Sometimes I feel like it’s not worth it. Sometimes I tell myself just be patient and stay. He’ll knock his head against the wall and realise what he’s been missing. We’re getting our BTO in Sept 2022 and our finances depend on his income so I can’t leave for now. I thought maybe, sometime in the future if things get worse, I’ll find a job first, put my kids in school / childcare then make plans to leave his sorry a**. You should try marriage counselling first. If it fails, proceed with divorce. My SIL has been married for 20 years but her marriage recently failed too due to infidelity or over-suspicion, whatnot. They went for counselling but it didn’t work. Sad, but that’s how life is at times. Think about your children, what’s best for them now and if your own finances are sufficient for you and the kids without the husband. Lots of love your way.