Distant & lost...

Does anyone feel disconnected with your husband after your LO is here? I feel very disconnected with my husband. I thought he would be a hands on dad after our LO is here especially when we only conceived after IVF. Unfortunately, he feels that since both me and my helper are taking great care of her there’s no need for him to do so. He only plays with her for short periods of time since our LO will naturally only choose me or my helper when we are around. I have a stressful full time job and need to manage the household and take care of all LO needs eg: what she needs at each stage, clothes, shoes, diapers, weaning items, food etc etc. I cant help but feel that having a husband is redundant and why did I get married? I didn’t get married to take care of another grown child. He is so lazy that he sleeps till past noon even on weekends and does not even buy lunch for us. Most of the time I’m the one doing it. On my helper’s off day he doesn’t bother to wake up early to help, only when I call him then He wakes. When he prepared milk and food and even that he is lost and must as how to do so. He doesn’t even know what pillow LO uses. I’ve asked him to take up a driving license to get a car since I got pregnant now that my LO is already 16mths old his license is still nowhere in sight! I just feel his laziness & heck care attitude totally disgusts me. And if I can do everything myself why do I need a redundant leech who contributes nothing? I can’t help feeling this way and I feel that I’ve nothing much in common with him anymore. What do I do? The last time we spoke about this he feels that there’s nothing wrong with his attitude so I’m done talking to him. Feel sick and tired.

Anonymous

6 Replies

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Speak to him, tell him how you feel. It is very important for our partners to be our rock especially during the first few months when baby has arrived. We need all the support we can get. Also, be gentle, speaking from experience...my husband was so busy with his stupid game and there were nights he would go out with his friends and come back really late, one time he came back at 4 am. Because we were first time parents we fought alot and it was difficult especially when you're trying to maintain your sanity while taking of a newborn without enough help. But thankfully, we talk things out and definitely the first few times we try to communicate it was difficult but slowly it got better. The important thing is for both to not give up on each other and keep trying to make it work, one day he will realized how much he need to brush up on and he will definitely get better. Have faith in him and just keep talking, do not keep your feelings bottle up it can lead to resentment and thats worst than arguing ):

My husband and I used to be like that as well when I had No1. How we (my mum and I) “forced” him to take care of LO is just go out. Leave LO with him. He will HAVE to take care of LO. When I was pregnant with No2, I told him he needs to be more proactive in looking after LO No1 as I can’t do it all by myself. There’s improvement.. Slowly but surely will get there. Now he is the main person LO No1 goes to whenever he is at home. also LO are not fussy till we made them into one. Just let then adapt to whoever is taking care of them. Don’t insist your way.

TapFluencer

me and my hub used to be lovely couple we get distant after baby is here but luckily we communicate and get it solves quickly. men are just men they won't know what to do sometimes our expectation plays a part too. we expect too much like those ideally hands on dad. many of the times they don't want to help because they are worried they will get it worst. try talking to you hub and sort it out. ask yourself if your hub really good for nothing at all? there's nothing he is helping or contributing?

We are on the same boat. I can no longer bother about him. Despite talking to him times again, but he make it seems that I'm the problem. I will just ignore him and go about my days with LO and my helper (go out with LO and helper for family day and leave him out). Since he don't want to be part of it, then we won't be part of him.

Anonymous

5y ago

Thank you for sharing. 😞 Stay strong!

🙁 Hope u guys can sort it out with your hubby issues, talk to them heart to heart, have mediator if needed..

we are in the same boat 😔 stay strong mummy.

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