I don’t want to do this anymore

hi mommies im currently 17 years old and my baby is 15 weeks. I don’t know where to start from but I’ve been feeling so lonely I’ve been feeling so suicidal. I dropped out of school then I found out I’m pregnant. At first I didn’t think much about it, but now reality is really just slapping my face. my partner wasn’t happy about the child and the way he treated me made me feel like shit and the only thing I can do is secretly cry in the toilet so he wouldn’t know. I thought walking away from him and just be friends just co parent would be better for my mental health. But now I really don’t know I feel so alone everyday I just work part time come back home shower and cry myself to sleep. Some days it get so bad I’ll just breakdown during my shift. eventually I thought it’ll get better but I don’t know how to continue from here. My heart hurts, it really does. And I don’t know how to seek help. I don’t have anyone by my side I don’t know who to talk to. Everyday I could only blame myself for being so stupid. I grew up in a broken home & my dad was never present now my child is gonna have a dad who’s never present and I could only blame myself daily. I’m so done with life. All I want to do is smoke a stick of cig and reallt just numb myself. I hate how my life is and everyday I’m just feeling so guilty for the baby. it was so obvious we stayed tgt because of the child not because he loves me. He could only ask for sex and I would say yes all the time because I’m afraid he’ll abandon me and my child. he can’t even remember my birthday. I don’t know how are we gonna take care of a child together #adviceplease #newmom