Ask the Expert: Maintaining long-term romance in marriages

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theAsianparent

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Having a newborn strained the relationship mainly due to different styles of managing a newborn and spouse not committed in taking care of baby (no change in lifestyle e.g. continue to play computer games though newborn needs attention, ended up exhausted mum has to step in and feel that it’s unfair), how to resolve these issues and revert the relationship to pre-pregnancy/dating period?

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Dr. Martha Tara Lee

Relationship Counselor & Clinical Sexologist

5y ago

Life as you know will never be the same. You may have moments of pre-baby period if you work at it, but definitely life is not the same. It sounds like your husband is not being involved or supportive and it is important to speak up about them. His involvement will also mean a more well-adjusted child. I know of many mothers who step in because things are not done, not done the way they want, not done well, not done fast enough etc. (you get the picture). What this does is make your partner feel inadequate (why bother), feel redundant (in the way), feel helpless/ feel useless. Hence their lack of involvement sometimes is not because of who they are (lazy, irresponsible) but having a partner who is perfectionist and want it all in a certain way. I am not sure with the details of your situation. I can only suggest 1) speak your truth; 2) brainstorming solutions as a couple; 3) delegating tasks/ dividing tasks and not stepping in; 4) being encouraging, supportive, and celebratory of all h

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