Grieflike state

I've gone for my 20 week scan and it's already revealed that it's a boy... I really wanted my first to be a girl, one reason being I grew up with an older brother from hell. My colleagues have been asking what's the gender and I just keep lying that baby's legs keep crossing and we can't see. I'm really in denial and I feel so silly going through this grief-like state when I still have a healthy baby with ten fingers and a beating heart. I feel like a terrible mother.

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I know this is not where you are coming from, but it might help if you approach this from a different mindset. Not all boys are the same, being a horrible sibling is not a product of gender, but of the environment and upbringing. It won't be fair to your baby if he is coming to the world with a blank slate but you have already assumed the worst of him. Also, when you decided to be a parent, you put your hand up to be responsible for a new life whatever it ends up being. Taking a pet analogy, if you decided to adopt a cat from the shelter and a loving black kitten comes up and chooses you, you can't walk away saying "nah sorry it really wants to come home with me but I want a white kitten how about that one in the corner". You child is just your child, it's a life of its own and will grow to the form it chooses, you are just its guardian, and sex is just a genital organ much like the colour of a kitten's fur.

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Please do not take anything im saying in a negative manner....First just because you had a bad experience with your brother doesnt mean your son will treat his future siblings like that. Alot of times i feel so grateful that im given a chance to be someones mother. I know of alot of ppl that have tried for years n not hv babies or everytime have miscarriage. It doesnt matter if its a girl or a boy..pray for a healthy child. Its a belief that children in the tummy can feel their mothers emotions. I wish u hv a healthy pregnancy. Take care

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Hugs. May be helpful to remind yourself that Your older brother is NOT your baby. What you’re feeling is irrational fear and it’s unfair to judge that your baby boy will turn out to be exactly like him. How a kid turns out in attitude and behavior depends a lot on how parents raise their kid. If you’re always around them providing them love, support and a positive environment then The possibility of them turning out to be nasty and bad is very low unless you have permitted it to happen as a parent.

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Trust me this will go away once you see your baby! My husband has had gender disappointment twice. We've had a girl & he wanted a boy but we got a girl again. And then he wanted a another girl but we got a boy instead. While for me I don't mind any gender as long as my baby is healthy, that is my priority. He loves both babies to death. You'll overcome this, don't worry! Also know that you're not giving birth to your brother but to your son.

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Don't feel guilty about it! It is normal to feel disappointed or sad. I've been through it as well *hugs* I've wanted a girl so badly and when I found out that it's a boy, I was devastated and cried like there's no tomorrow. Don't worry mummy, you'll feel better as time goes by. I will not lie, I do feel sad sometimes but the thought of meeting him soon still makes me happy :)

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Same.. I have 2 gals so hoping my 3rd one will be a boy... But yet it turns out to be a gal again.. When get to know the result, I am so disappointed and crying badly.. But as time passes, when see a healthy bb at the scan... All gender sorrows will be forgotten... Like everyone say healthy bb is more impt than anything.

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Super Mum

It is totally understandable given your childhood experience/trauma with your elder brother.. just know that your child is not going to be like brother because you’re going to make sure of it. Jia you!

you're experiencing gender disappointment, allow yourself to grieve! it's okay to. u will grow to love him

I feel the other way round. Wanted a boy but got a girl instead although I alr have a son.